Hello beautiful people. How are you all? Have you had a good week? I survived the week which is an accomplishment. Next week will be the real test because Therapies are back on so I'll be racing around all over the place.

 

I often wonder if the therapies are worth it. I wonder if they're helping Chai or if I'm just putting him through unnecessary treatment. He enjoys all the therapies and wants to go to them but I'm really not sure if they help or not. I wonder if I'd know if they helped? I know that the some of them help but what about the others?

 

Having a child with extra needs is a constant Stress. People really have no idea.  I was talking to a work colleague last week. I'd told her about a very minor behaviour of Chai's, one that doesn't really cause disruption. She looked at me and said "Wow, I had no idea it was like that at your house."

When she said it I though to myself, no-one really has any idea what it's like at my house. 

 

If I told people some of the things that are normal at my house they wouldn't believe me. People would be horrified at what is normal in my house. It's not something that I can tell people and not something I can talk about, which makes it very isolating. I often feel like a fake. I put on a normal face for the outside world and people have no idea what's going on in my life. I'll have the worst morning ever, get to work and act like everything is okay. It's all I can do. I can't let what's going on at home affect my work so I just have to put on a brave face and pretend I haven't had the most stressful morning. 

Even if I did have time to talk about my reality, people just wouldn't understand. 

How do you tell people that your house feels like a war zone? 

How do you tell them that you're exhausted because you haven't slept through the night for 12 years?

How do you tell them that sometimes you feel like you're in an abusive relationship with your child? 

How do you tell them you're scared that your child is being traumatised by their sibling? How do you tell them that you're worried about the affect the extreme stress will have on your health? 

How do you tell them that you are in a constant state of stress and no amount of self care will fix it? 

How do you tell people these things? There would be disbelief, judgement, helpful suggestions and pity. I'm not here for any of that. 

So I don't say anything. At most I'll say "It's been a rough morning" but that's it. 

Yesterday morning was awful so I got to work, took a few deep breaths, had a chocolate, sipped my coffee and got on with my day. That's just the way it is when you've got a child with additional needs. 

That concludes my whinge for the week.

 

I hope you all have a beautiful weekend.