“I want to age gracefully.”

That’s what the lady said in her early forties. And she did, until she lost her Husband thirty years later. 

Since then, her life has lost its sparkles. Her brain has deteriorated. It’s hard for her to recall names of friends and relatives. 

“Sorry, what’s your name again?” she asked her sister.

She Forgets she has done this and that so she will do it again. She sweeps the floor several times a day and feeds the fish until the water is half covered by the fish food.

She throws vitamins she is supposed to drink. Those vitamin B capsules I bought for her finished in a week. It’s a one-month supply. 

She stops teaching because she couldn’t remember her schedule. She comes to classes she no longer teaches. She becomes inarticulate in her subject—English literature. She can’t talk about Shakespeare anymore. She forgets who he is.

She becomes soliloquist, talking about regrets in the past and memories about her husband. When being asked, her replies are irrelevant. 

And she starts smoking again—after fifty years. 

She loves company but it’s hard to bear with her. She complains a lot and always ends up in tears. 

Bereavement.. bereavement.. what have you done?

Despite her condition, I can still see traces of her gracefulness standing tall in the most subtle ways—through her timid smile, gentle voice, and loving gesture.

Despite her condition, she survived severe Covid-19 although she is smoking and asthmatic. That coronavirus gave up on her. 

Despite her condition, she still remembers me, her daughter. 

“Ahh.. Lindy..” she calls my nickname with her pleasant smile. 

~ maharani ~