In Hungary life is simple: respect your elders, respect those above you, and if you’re a woman always look Sexy. There is an unspoken rule, whereby you pretty much don’t deserve to breathe if you’re not pretty. Beauty, the concept and the idea of it, gets rammed down your throats almost the minute you are born. And the standards are high. A woman, they (and this means your parents, family, and society) will tell you, must always look her best. A friend must be clean before she is deemed of decent character. I’m not kidding. Back when I first lived here, I decided to practice adjectives with a student. So I asked her what she looked for in a friend. Her immediate answer: She must be clean.

I honestly thought she was joking. Her language skills were good, so it wasn’t about that. She might have been having a dig at me. I’d gone straight to her place after being up all night partying, with only enough time to jump in the shower at a friend’s place. But I learned much later, it wasn’t that either. Hungarians tend to value the surface more than what’s beneath it. Not everyone, but enough people to make you uncomfortable if you’re the type of person who will value character before image. It’s the same in my mother’s country of birth. If you’re not of a certain height and weight, with certain attributes, you’re toast. I have a cousin there who is naturally beautiful but has a huge complex because she’s short. I don’t mean in the sense of being unhappy with her body but in the sense of honestly believing she’s handicapped and therefore to be shunned. And that’s because she heard this every day growing up, maybe not so much about herself (though that is unfortunately very likely), but about others. Oh she’s such a pretty girl, what a pity she’s so short. 

I hope things have changed since then, but given what Ive seen so far, I doubt it.

Both these countries will judge you on your appearance. You had better show some serious skin, especially if you’re Hungarian (the other place is more about accentuating your curves and your assets without showing too much). But if you then complain about someone groping you, getting Raped, or harassed it’s your own damn fault for dressing up like that. The message that women are not objects and should dress how they like without it being an invitation to men has not sunk in yet, and most likely never will.