In this uncertain world, I’m doing my best to help you stay healthy.

By now, you know my travel and work schedule is off the charts. Literally. Some years I travel to over 30 countries around the world. Yet, I still manage to trade the U.S. Stock market and teach my students.

Now, as we all shelter in place, I think it’s time to shine a little light…

Today, for the first time ever, I’m sharing my secret. My go-to self-preservation weapon of choice is…

Penny stock. Penny stock’s invigorating and healing properties are unsurpassed. When I’m trying to fight off illness, fatigue, or frustration with lazy students — I up my dose. Considerably.

In today’s post…

• Three methods to clean your pennies prior to making stock.
• Which pennies to use for full effect. (And those to avoid … believe it or not, pennies minted during some years are MUCH more powerful.)
• The secret aphrodisiac effect of the Indian Head cent. (If you have one or more of these pennies in your collection, get ready for a WILD increase in your bedroom prowess!)
• And more…

Let’s jump right in…

How I Discovered the Curative Properties of Penny Stock

Back in the day, when boiler rooms were pumping everything from dotcom companies to Fifth Avenue shoe brands, I had the mildly disturbing but fortuitous pleasure of meeting a big-time boiler-room shyster for lunch in New York.

Putting it bluntly: He looked amazing. I knew he worked long hours, so I was intrigued.

Check it out…

This guy told me he spent 72 hours at a time on the phone calling ‘clients’ to sell them his next pump. But I digress…

I asked him what his secret was. I was taken aback when he said “Penny stock. Learn to make it and you’ll be invincible for the rest of your natural life. You might even outlive yourself.”

At first I was confused. “You mean learn to trade penny stocks? I already do that. I’m a friggin’ millionaire in my twenties from trading penny stocks!”

“No. Pay attention. Listen very closely. Penny stock. You have to make penny stock and then drink it as much as possible. Trust me now. Thank me later.”

At first I laughed. I shrugged it off. But as I lay in bed with a bad case of the flu a couple months later, I started thinking about what this guy said. So I tried to give him a call. Unfortunately, he’d been arrested for securities fraud.

But I couldn’t get over how amazing the guy looked and how vigorous he’d been. Turns out that was partly due to his penny cleaning method. But at the time I was a penny stock newbie. I had no idea.

My Penny Stock Hero’s Journey

Being the seeker of truth I am, I set out on a mission to learn the secrets of penny stock. What I learned can set you free.

But it took a while. I traveled the world, sometimes visiting remote communities where village elders looked at me with complete confusion. When I showed them my pocket full of pennies, however, their eyes lit up. They could see I had some knowledge of penny stock.

So they told their stories. And the stories were amazing.

It took me a couple of years to put it all together. But once I did, I knew I had discovered what Ponce de León had spent so much of his life searching for. If only he’d given up on gold and gone for pennies … he might still be alive today. What did I find?

Get ready to take notes…

The Amazing, Incredible, Almost Unbelievable Curative Properties of Penny Stock

Penny stock, made correctly, has been touted for the following properties…**

(By the way, those two asterisks are from my lawyer. He said I can’t tell you about this stuff without a disclaimer. See the disclaimer below.)

• Rid your skin of blemishes, pimples, boils, and … WRINKLES! How do you think I still look like I’m in my mid-20s?
• Fight nasty little beasties like viruses and bacteria. (And ticks. Ticks will think you taste NASTY once you start consuming penny stock regularly.)
• Used properly, it can speed recovery time from workouts. (It’s helping me get shredded right now.)
• Libido, libido, libido. Enough said.
• Lucid dream states. You can literally reprogram your subconscious mind to FORCE yourself to improve your life. But ONLY if you consume penny stock made with a specific kind of penny… more on that later.

[**These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.These recipes and methods are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Consult your physician before beginning any penny stock program.]

How to Make Penny Stock

First things first. You have to clean your pennies. I mean, seriously, you could make penny stock with dirty pennies, but that’s just nasty. (That said, there’s a dark-web market for penny stock made from dirty pennies. People have weird fetishes. What can I say?)

3 Methods for Cleaning Your Pennies

I’ll start with the boiler-room method. It will make sense, trust me…

The Cola Method

This is the preferred method of stock pumpers, boiler rooms, and pop stars. It’s simple and pretty hands-off. But be forewarned, consuming penny stock made using pennies cleaned this way gives you a serious rush.

Cola Method Step 1 

Place 5 to 10 pennies in a bowl. Make sure the pennies are NOT touching each other.

Cola Method Step 2

Pop the top on a can of cola and pour over the pennies. It only needs to be enough to cover the pennies. Drink the rest of the cola.

Cola Method Step 3

Leave for 5 hours. (For best results, flip the pennies after two or three hours.)

Cola Method Step 4

Finally, remove the pennies from the cola, rinse with water, and dry thoroughly.

The Hot Sauce Method

This is the preferred method by those looking for a little fire in their life. If you find yourself going through life like a wet blanket … try this method. This method is also good for yin yoga teachers who’d rather lie around on bolsters all day than get anything productive done.

Hot Sauce Method Step 1 

Place 5 to 10 pennies in a bowl. Again, make sure the pennies are not touching.

Hot Sauce Method Step 2

Cover the pennies with hot sauce. Make sure it’s a strong hot pepper sauce. Let sit for three minutes.

Hot Sauce Method Step 3

Use an old toothbrush to scrub the pennies under running water.

Hot Sauce Method Final Step

Rinse pennies with water; dry thoroughly. [Hint: this one might leave your pennies with a slightly orange ting. But it doesn’t matter when it comes to making your penny stock.]

Finally, my preferred method…

The Salt & Vinegar Method

I like this method because it gives me good, clean pennies … fast. It makes my penny stock more cerebral with less chance of undesired effects.

(Tip: Try trading a morning panic when you’ve just consumed penny stock made with pennies cleaned by the Hot Sauce Method. Crazy! Last time I did it I found myself screaming at the computer and kicking a fan.)

Salt & Vinegar Method Step 1

Combine 1 tbsp of salt and ½ cup of vinegar in a bowl.

Salt & Vinegar Method Step 2

Place 5 to 10 pennies in the mixture. Let sit for 5 minutes.

Salt & Vinegar Method Step 3

Use an old toothbrush to scrub the pennies under running water.

Salt & Vinegar Method Final Step

Rinse pennies with water; dry thoroughly.

My Special Penny Stock Recipe

Now that your pennies are clean … the real magic begins. But you might laugh when I tell you where I got the recipe…

Like I said, once I learned about the near-magical properties of penny stock, I traveled the world to find answers. And answers I found. I was so thrilled with my new knowledge, I decided to share it with my mom and dad.

My mom nearly fell over laughing at me. Kinda like she did when I first showed her the orange Lambo.

Why? These are her exact words…

“Tim, my son, I love you so much. All you had to do was ask. I’ve been feeding you penny stock your entire life. Come, let’s look in my recipe box. I’ll find you the old family recipe…”

I was floored. I guess moms do know best. Thanks, Mom!

The Old Family Recipe

This is it. The moment you’ve been waiting for. The recipe.

• Place 5–10 clean pennies in a stock pan. (Preferably stainless steel. Other kinds of pans mess with the magic.)
• Cover with 2 quarts filtered water.
• Bring to a boil and then reduce heat to simmer.
• Add a pinch each of salt and pepper.
• Simmer uncovered for 30 minutes.
• Remove from heat. Use barbecue tongs or similar to remove pennies.
• Cover and allow to cool.

Now you know how to clean your pennies. And you have my mom’s awesome penny stock recipe handed down for generations. Let’s take a look at an oft overlooked factor in determining the power of your penny stock…

Special Penny Stock Properties

This is where it gets fun…

Some pennies just have the magic. Check it out…

The Fugio Penny (Minted 1787)

Want to fly? This is the superhero’s secret. This penny was only made for a year. Now you know why. Penny stock made with this one was causing a lot of problems in a pre-manned flight era. Most penny collectors keep these under lock and key for this very reason. I mean, can you imagine the confusion?

The Flowing Hair Penny (Minted 1793)

This is a favorite of 1970s era rockers. The reality is, most of them went bald because of all the crazy drugs they were taking. But consuming penny stock made with Flowing Hair pennies restored their gorgeous long locks to … well … youthful vigor. Unfortunately, most of them didn’t use other pennies for their penny stock. So while their hair looked great, the rest of them fell apart. Except Keith Richards, of course.

Braided Hair Penny (Minted 1839–1857)

Penny stock made from the Braided Hair penny is known to have a calming effect on the mind. I use this when I find myself overtrading. Assuming I’m home in Miami … which is where I overtrade and also where I have three commercial freezers full of penny stock. And a penny stock tap in my personal bar.

Flying Eagle Penny (Minted 1856–1858)

Use this penny to make penny stock for lucid dreaming. You could change your future by showing your subconscious what you want to achieve. This is a secret of the 1%ers worldwide. Which is why it’s so hard to find Flying Eagle pennies.

The Indian Head Penny (Minted 1859–1909)

When you make penny stock with an old Indian Head penny, be prepared for a WILD time in the bedroom. Don’t try this unless you’re really ready for it.

Lincoln Memorial Cent (Minted 1959–2008)

Perfect for memorizing long-term charts. Know your penny stock history by consuming this kind of penny stock.

Lincoln Shield Cent (Minted 2010–present)

In today’s uncertain world, this is a very important step forward. When you make rice or soup with this penny stock it can shield you from all sorts of nasty bugs and illnesses.

Pennies to Avoid

Believe it or not… there are pennies you should avoid. If in doubt, just use the pennies in that jar on your desk. With that in mind, here are three pennies to avoid at all cost when making penny stock.

The Devil’s Penny (aka the Cartwheel Penny)

This penny was minted by Britain in 1816 and started to be used in South Africa in 1825. It was there it took the name Devil’s Penny due to the trident design on the back. Penny stock made with this penny purportedly makes you want to swim in the ocean endlessly. For that reason alone, I avoid using the Devil’s Penny.

Farthing

This was actually a quarter penny in England prior to 1971. Basically, it’s worthless for making penny stock. Just like it was worthless for buying much in a shop.

Finally, beware of…

Penny Stock Made With Ancient Pennies

Pennies started to be minted around 790 A.D. The truth is, we just don’t know enough about some of these early pennies to go around making penny stock and drinking it. Or even using it to cook with. If you must, find a neighbor you don’t like and test it on them first.

The Power of Penny Stock

There are more pennies with special penny stock properties. And more to avoid. The main thing is to get on with it. Cook up your first batch today. You’ll be amazed at how it changes your life.

Remember, this is my secret weapon. The stock market is a battlefield and I’m your drill sergeant. I want you to be prepared. Consuming penny stock is an important part of your training. All my top students do it…

Uses for Penny Stock

Some people just drink it. I’m down with that. But here are more ways to use your penny stock…

• Cooking rice. When I’m home in Miami I love to cook Cuban black beans and rice. I always use penny stock in place of water for the rice.
• Making coffee. (I only recently discovered this. Now my first coffee of the day is always a penny stock coffee.)
• Gargling. Your breath will be penny stock fresh.
• And … any recipe that calls for stock — make it penny stock!

I hope you’ve enjoyed my almost complete guide to penny stock. Have a great day.

Oh, by the way…

April Fool!

On a serious serious note… I hope this brought a little smile to your face during these difficult times.

Stay home and stay safe. And comment below, I love to hear from all my readers. 

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