So they're here now too. Drove a truck into Åhlens today. Drottninggatan. The most crowded place in Stockholm, at the worst time of day. 4 dead, 15 injured - so far.

I was at work when I heard the news. A colleague heard it first, and told me, and I told the boss like I'd tell him anything else he might want to know. He reacted much stronger than I'd expected. I don't know why I didn't. Was I thinking: weren't we expecting this since the attempted suicide bombing a few years ago, on the same street? It's not that I'm not scared of death or indifferent to terrorism, but it felt distant, like it couldn't affect anyone I know. Those thoughts came later. I have family there. I do know some people here. This was walking distance from work, and it's the same thing for many others.

Police locked down the city fast. Traffic stood still. No trains, no buses, no trams - nothing. Total standstill. I stayed a while longer at work hoping things would cool down, but it didn't. I thought I'd try a bus to get around the sludge, but no chance. Buses were embedded with the rest of the traffic, and crawled along slowly.

I decided to walk to my sister's place instead, on the other side of the city, and stay there until I could get home, or sleep over if I couldn't. Walked against a stream or people on a pilgrimage out of the city, like refugees. Some even had bags and suitcases with them, and I wondered where they were going.

I walked by the barricades. Straight through Southside and the Old City, and met up with my sister near the castle bridge. Her boyfriend had been out catering when it all went down, with a delivery to the affected block. He had to cancel the delivery and turn around. They had to cancel the party - guests couldn't get there, and they couldn't get out. He couldn't get anywhere with the food either though, so while others basked in tragedy we feasted on salad, sauce and sauerkraut, watching police make vague statements on TV, and the prime minister with five bodyguards. He seemed honestly shook up.

A cousin had been right by Åhlens when it happened, and saw the truck drive by. He ran as fast as he could, and made it home somehow before they closed the borders. My sister would've been even closer, in the shop, but she overslept. The colleague I mentioned earlier has a daughter who worked there, and that's how we got the news. She was OK, though, and my buddy Bear was at the Central Station when they shut down too. All traffic, even the airport shuttles and trains. He described how people started running at random, and drew with them the crowd, and he ran with them not knowing if anything was really going on or not. Total panic. Eventually he managed to get home via some remote subway and bus line. Nobody's getting out of the country until it's all sorted though. He was going to the Philippines over the weekend.

It all feels unreal.

The trains started going again around eight, so at ten I took the subway to Karlberg hoping to make it home. Empty streets. Silent platforms. Irregular traffic: the timetables keep flashing that message.

The train to Uposala C rolled by first, but it took another hour before my train rolled in. I think I walked the length of the platform at least ten times, and its a long platform. Finally made it home after midnight, and thought I'd write this blog then when it was most relevant (I'd scribbled down the main points on my phone) but didn't really feel like it any longer.

So it's a new day, and today feels like any other. I'm feeling pretty normal. Åhlens feels far away, but knowing people who were or could have been there makes it all a bit eerie. I marked myself as 'safe' on Facebook nine hours after the rest, soon as I got home, and the person who asked if I was is a buddy I haven't spoken to in maybe... twelve years now.

People are helping each other. The community grows stronger from the forces that try to separate it, like pulling two magnets just far enough apart that the force that tries to pull them together is the fiercest, and then letting them go. They say that despite the tragic events we should stand strong, and keep living like usual. Don't let evil win! That's what the terrorists want: to spread fear and distrust, and yet the radio show my mom always listens to each Saturday was canceled in favor of the news, the TV thrives on the footage, and people are flocking to Drottninggatan in the thousands to lay down flowers, even though the police are still gathering evidence; trying to work in peace.

Maybe the paranoia and popularity will settle soon, or maybe not. It was pretty strange with those empty platforms yesterday, and I looked around with different eyes. Seeing people. Not scared, but curious. Who were they? How do people end up doing things like this? How different aren't we all, and the social values we grow up with, and how will this change our world. I just wanted to get home and sleep.