It's been a strange few weeks.

This isn't a blog about the EU referendum, and I don't really want to talk about it here...but feel the need to say something. Following the public vote to leave the EU, and the resulting chaos and panic over the last few days, I can't envisage how much further our economy will falter, how much deeper social divisions will become, or, most frighteningly, whether the emerging racist, xenophobic British minority will be allowed to flourish, before the country regains some sense of control, stability, and community. I hope it only takes months - it may well be decades. If people thought we were going through a period of austerity before the vote, sadly I think life is about to get a whole lot more challenging. It is truly a worrying time, and I fear the history books will judge harshly not only the politicians of our age, who allowed the referendum to happen in the first place, and used it as a means for perceived political gain, but also the British public. They will judge not only the vote that was cast by the majority, apparently in many cases for misguided reasons, but our subsequent actions and behaviour.

As much as it seems many "Leave" voters made their decision based on a desire for "independence, legal autonomy and British Sovereignty" it seems swathes chose "Leave" as a result of social inequality and financial hardship, of poor employment opportunities and an unheard voice. They took the opportunity to make a protest through their vote, against the hand that life has dealt them. Unfortunately it seems that many of this group have found a scapegoat in the immigrant population, rather than realising their struggles are likely a result of successive UK government decisions and policies. Totally misunderstanding the way the common market works, or immigration from outside the EU, they seem to believe that their Leave vote will stop any "new" people coming into the country, and result in an enforced exodus of those already established here, creating a storybook version of Britain that never existed, and a brand new existence for themselves. I fear that the scapegoating will continue and that rather than be angry with a political elite who seem to care little for their electorate, or with the people who fooled them into believing that freedom of movement was really a problem, this group of voters will continue to blame the very people who, in the majority, have been contributing hugely in social, economic and cultural terms and helping to make modern Britain a country that I have been proud to call my home.

I think this will be considered a dark period in Britain's story, and one from which I wonder if we will ever truly recover.

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So, after my mini essay, i'll reiterate that I didn't want this blog to be about the EU...

What I do want to talk about is another unsettling change that I am going through. A personal crisis, rather than a national one.

No, not being pregnant itself (I'm actually quite enjoying that, despite the various aches and pains and constant worry that's associated with it) but the ever increasing separation I feel from my life as a runner.

The last time I ran was nearly 10 weeks ago. Since then, I have manned check points at both the Thames Path 100 miler, and GUCR, and I absolutely loved both experiences. Both were overnight shifts in excess of 12 hours, and it was a privilege the help the runners as best I could, and to see some truly gritty performances as they battled through epic levels of pain to complete their goals. They were also great learning experiences as I had the chance the see lots of different race strategies and kit choices! However, I'm now too pregnant to be able to support at checkpoints - standing for long periods of time isn't really an option, and I get exhausted pretty easily. I would probably be more of a hindrance than a help.

So, although I'm still trying to remain active through walking, and I will soon be going for my first swim in my new maternity costume, I am starting to feel less and less like part of the community, as I no longer share the focus of training, recovery and commitment to the weekly mileage. I'm still following everyone's exploits on twitter and facebook, but I'm not seeing anyone in person at races, and I'm not finding myself as engaged as I was, feeling that I don't really have much to add to conversations about races, or kit, or injury... My focus is becoming more insular I suppose, as I start to prepare, emotionally and practically, for the arrive of our twins.

This scares me.

For the past 6 years I have defined myself as a runner. Running has changed me, for the better, in many ways, and the running community has been a wonderful support network and has enriched my life. I feel I have made true friends though my running, but that I am now starting to lose some of those connections, and some sense of myself. I know that inevitably I am going to become "mum" as well as "Naomi", but it's incredibly important to me that that the one doesn't cancel out the other.

I know in my heart that in the grand scheme of things, the next six or seven months will pass incredibly quickly, and I shouldn't wish this very special time away. I know that my children are going to become the most important thing in my life, and that my priorities are inevitably going to be very different once they are born. This is as it should be and I'm realistic enough to realise that 145 mile ultras may be out of the question for the foreseeable future, but marathon training is much easier to schedule.

I just hope that by the time I am physically capable of a return to training, I haven't lost the desire, and I haven't forgotten that I'm a runner as well as a mum.

I have more that I want to achieve...there's more that I know I can achieve.

I want to set a great example to my children.

I need to do all I can to be healthy...in mind as well as body.

Running will give me all of those things, and I have to make sure I don't allow myself to forget how life-changing it was the first time I became a runner.