| If your building collapses, climb under your table and practice yoga postures. | |
| Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. The current world record is 5 minutes, 12 seconds. | |
| After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head. | |
| If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that. | |
| If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell. | |
| Your respiratory and digestive systems are optional. Cast them aside if you feel you no longer need them. | |
| If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting. | |
| Survive a biohazard attack by first standing, then begging on your knees, then rolling over and playing dead. | |
| Do not drive a station wagon if a utility pole is protruding from the hood. | |
| A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation. |
Homeland Security Spoof! - Part 2
Tags:
radiation
