| Only the coolest irradiated citizens will be allowed into the 'underground' rave in the shelter. | |
| In case of emergency, the parking brake may be used as an adult novelty item. | |
| In time of war, real Americans eat red meat only! No wimpy fish or poultry, please. | |
| There is a reason you failed chemistry. | |
| Watch out for people who come out of white tents and try to steal the shirt off your back. | |
| If you are trapped with no hope of being found, amuse yourself in your final moments with shadow puppets. | |
| Radioactive materials come in 4 convenient sizes: - individual dose - family value size - neighborhood spray pump size - supersize! | |
| Satellite photos of Texas show the large embarrassing radioactive crop circle in Southeast Texas. | |
| When the looting begins remember to consider the weight/value ratio. Here we have a few examples of high value, low effort. |
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