| If you have set yourself on fire, do not run. | |
| If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud. | |
| If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder. | |
| If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor. | |
| Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you! | |
| To eliminate smallpox, wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand under a faucet with no sink. | |
| Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with scary eyes, run away now. | |
| People, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol are all at risk of being sucked into the time-tunnel vortex. | |
| Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically. | |
| If a door is closed, karate chop it open. |
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