AKINYI: hello, Shiko i think my husband is cheating on me

SHIKO: why do u think so? whats his name and what does he do?

AKINYI: his name is Ombewa, he is a pharmacist at umoja and i found sweet messages in his phone from a lady called beatrice

SHIKO: ok lets find out if hes really cheating on u *ring ring….ri ng…ring*

OMBEWA: hallo.. .the digits being displayed on my android 2960 as incoming are foreign to my records, which assembly of co-joined alphabetical letters shall i embed to the person seeking my audience via the cellular?

SHIKO: hello mr. ombewa, my name is sharon from the safaricom shinda na milli promotions and i woud lo….

OMBEWA: pardon my interjection but substitute the prefix Mr. with “Dr.” b4 uttering my name as this will avoid confusion with other ombewa’s and appreciate the years i sacrificed in attaining that status. it is of paramount importance that i percieve this conversation to be channelled only in my direction.

SHIKO: ok dr. ombewa, im sharon from safaricom shinda na amilli and im pleased to inform u that u have won a vacation for two this weekend at mombasa..

OMBEWA: finally safaricom has recognised the reasoning behind their hug profit margins steming from the bulk calls i instigate for both local and international. i accord ur gesture with hospitality. .. SHIKO: ok so i would like the name and details of the person u will be taking to the trip OMBEWA: where they seek her name, just scribble the words “Dr. ombewa’s companion”

SHIKO: sorry sir, but we actually need a name

OMBEWA: Beatrice njeri

SHIKO: ok, thank u sir… i want u to talk to the show promoter so that she can give u the details for ur trip to coast *shiko connects akinyi*

AKINYI: ombewa wewe…huyooo beatrcice kwisakuwa nani?

OMBEWA: ur promoters vocal cords transmit sound in the replicas of my wifes tone. thats astounding

SHIKO: ombewa naitwa shiko, from classic 105..hii ni busted..

OMBEWA: u alerted me that u r sharon from safaricom, now shiko from classic 105. subjecting my experience in the field of pharmacetuals and doctorate to practice i can deduce that u are suffering from multi-personality dis- order. i can prescribe u some recomendable medications for ur ailments AKINYI:wewe ombewa kwisa-acha kutangatanga na maneno, ni mimi bibi yako akinyi ambayo wewe naangalia wasichana wengine nyuma yake

OMBEWA: akinyi, nyar-loka.. yawaa u achieved a job at safaricom as the promoter?..with ur education tht is remarkable

AKINYI: propaganda hawesi kusaidia sai, ambia mimi beatrcice kwisakuwa nani?

OMBEWA: akinyi yawaaa, beatrice is just patient i treated and this un-expecte d trip to mombasa was just an avenue to assist in her recuparation via therapy

AKINYI: hawesi danganya mimi kama mtoto, Unataka ata mimi nihanye sasa. si ni cha hivyo. si ni tit for tat

OMBEWA: yawaaa nyaber do not retaliate in that manner. i detar u to expose that which is matrimonially exclusive to my corneas

AKINYI: ata mimi apana taka wewe sasa….en da na hiyo ndogo ndogo yako na hapana rudi kwa nyumba yangu

OMBEWA: u cannot decree a personna non grata upon me as regards to my dwelling. i am the one who remunerates the landlord on a monthly basis

SHIKO: si uambie bibi yako beatrcice ni nani?

OMBEWA: first and foremost shiko this conversation is recorded on my state of the arts phone. my lawyer will comb the dialogue and sue u for impersonating a safaricom agent and causing me emotional discomfort by instigating deception upon my intellect that i have won trip to mombasa

AKINYI: ambia hiyo loya’ yako aanze kutengenezea wewe karatasi ya divos. mimi akuna mahali napelekana na wewe. wewe naesa letea mimi hayaki

SHIKO: ombewa dont u think that u shuld apologise to ur wife

OMBEWA: cease this dialogue b4 i enforce another suit against u for diminishing the voltage in my android via this misplaced conversation

AKINYI: yaani wewe bado narusa vitisho na wewe kwisasikwa na suruali chini?

OMBEWA: akinyi depart from my dwelling. you ignite cerebral discomfort everytime u spark arguments with my intellect. profits has eluded my pharmacetual business from the fact that i divert most of the medications to treat the never ending head-aches u inflict on me. i used to think that u were my missing rib that i finnaly found only to realise in the end that i ended up with OKIYA OMUTATA’S missing fibula. please go… go and locate your tibia .