Day 3 of 49

DO NOT JUDGE. We repeat, do not judge. The Doctor had every reason for Suing the Patient. In fact, the patient threatened to sue himself if the doctor did not do it before him. The case is quite complicated. It will take some time to explain the details. So we request the readers to hang in there and wait for us to reveal the real reason.

It started when the patient started to google his Symptoms. Symptoms he did not have. Symptoms he could not have. More importantly, symptoms he didn’t even know were symptoms in the first place. He ended up with a diagnosis of his hypothetically diseased self, all by himself.

He prescribed himself medications. In fact, he was so determined to solve his non-existent disease that he went to Med School and seven years later crashed out as a renowned board certified diagnostician. This was when that he saw the error in his ways. He understood how ignorant he must have been to only prescribe himself medications and not surgically treat himself.

So, he called up a board meeting with nobody else but himself. He voted for the surgery to take place that night itself. Being a skilled surgeon as he was, he ensured that his patient, himself, did not have to sign the consent form, pertaining to the over confidence he had developed about the surgery.

The surgery began on the scheduled time, in the back seat of a limousine, because he was unable to book an operation theatre. But, while trying to locally anaesthetise the pathological part of his body, he realised that he had evolutionarily lost that body part about a few million years ago.

Upon reviewing the papers, he realised that the condition he had self diagnosed was in fact, “Tail Tip Necrosis”, a disease that he found out about in some veterinary healthcare website. Also, the med school he went to, was in fact, just an app promising to make you a doctor in only 30 days.

Irritated by these realisations, he planned to sue the doctor for not making the correct diagnosis. But since, he was both the doctor and the patient himself, the lawyer he had hired, misinterpreted the complain and reported it as the doctor suing the patient for not responding to treatment. Later, investigations confirmed that this Lawyer had somehow managed to become an advocate after passing Med School, which was exactly the same as the one, the doctor had passed from, that is, the app. Even further investigations confirmed that the lawyer was that patient himself.

Finally, all charges were dropped and the patient was diagnosed with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and alzheimer’s for exhibiting split personalities and having an enviably forgetful memory. Although, it is not yet proved, we have sources stating that the lawyer who dropped the charges and diagnosed the latter conditions were the patient himself.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay