Husband and I have a long-running joke. Occasionally the joke yields to a darker discussion. A discussion on how I have been engaged in a lie - since the very inception of our relationship.

What lie could I - would I - perpetrate through sixteen years of fraternization? Through mortgages and juvenile soccer games, guinea pig funerals and daily Starbucks runs?

What lie am I ferociously maintaining?

My dad likes Chinese food.

That's it. That's the lie.

There was a time, years ago, when Husband and I had a graduate class together. I say we were friends that semester - we hung out during our 15 minute snack breaks. He was (is) cute and funny. Of course I hoped (prayed) he would ask me out. But for the time being, we were friends.

Husband, for the record, staunchly denies that we were friends. I was the little blond in pathophys that flirted with him every Thursday night - something you all know I am simply incapable of doing. He was sure I would - well, I don't think  I have to draw you a picture, right? We can just say he was sure I would.

One Thursday night that March, he asked me what I was doing over the weekend. One of us said this every Thursday. So I told him. My family was taking my dad out for Chinese food for his birthday. We do this every year because my dad likes Chinese food.

Husband believes, in that moment, I was turning down an obvious request for a date. I say we were young and single and discussed our weekend plans every week.

At the end of that semester Husband asked me out two more times. I absolutely, 100%, completely admit to turning Husband down those last two times. I knew he was asking me out. I shot him down. I had, by that time, begun dating someone else. We'll call him Dick. But that's how we all know I'm not lying about the March request. Wouldn't I just lie about it all?

Don't get me wrong. I still pined for Husband, but my ability - and desire - to juggle two people is pretty limited. As it turns out Dick did have the ability and desire to juggle two people. But I'm sure that girl gave him a lovely baby.

Well, he did live in Asia

Anyway, Husband maintains that the Chinese birthday dinner was a lie. He says I was, in fact, aware that he was asking me out and chose to lie about my plans. And why does Husband think I lied? He believes my plans were fictitious because he has seen my dad eat Chinese food exactly once. In 16 years. Also, he points out, my dad hates chicken. That dislike effectively eliminates about half the menu.

I don't know why my dad's annual Chinese food birthday celebration became ancient history the moment Husband signed on. It is not outside the realm of possibility that my dad is engaged in a very long prank. It's also likely that my dad is ignoring his Chinese food addiction in order to hide from Husband's assassin uncle.

See, Husband and I have a theory. Uncle1 maneuvered us into a relationship in order to kill my dad, the president of Paraguay. I believe that, somehow, Chinese food is the link. My father has had to abandon his base desire to avoid being exterminated.

Well, maybe it's less our theory. Maybe it's more my theory.

So my integrity again came under scrutiny the other night. Why does Husband think I'm lying? What purpose does my lie serve? Is our marriage over if a white lie I told 17 years ago comes to light? Is my lie a matter of national security? Has my family misunderstood my dad's culinary preference all these years?

No, Husband says. It's none of that. He cannot fathom why I'm lying. Which, according to him, just makes it worse.

So I should just confess my trespass. Ease my conscious. Smooth the one blemish in our relationship.

Round and round we go, to no viable solution. I could have my dad tell Husband of his affection for Chinese food, but that's just giving my dad license to prank me. I could admit I was lying, but I wasn't, which begs the question: Will I be defending that lie for the next 16 years? I could organize a family Chinese dinner, but I honestly cannot say if anyone else in my family eats Chinese.

I could say that I turned Husband down because I had a very strict policy. Nice boys like Husband were off limits. If there was a jerk (I've given up cursing for Lent) within a 50 mile radius of me, he was my man and I was in love. Sadly for Husband he just didn't qualify.

"You have a version," Husband told me, "but I have the truth." Maybe. In my version, I don't go out for Chinese that weekend.

In my version, Husband and I go for some French.

I really don't need to draw a picture here, either, right?