The Pen, is by the Kitchen window, staring at the backyard, pensive.

Pen (annoyed): where the FRECK is that stupid fur ball?

The front door opens and Jason walks in, carrying the cat carrier.

The Pen overhears from the kitchen.

In the living room:

Jason: Here we are, finally home…

Pen (from the kitchen/excited): can it be?

Jason sets the carrier down and opens the door for the cat inside to come out.

Jason: well, I hope you like it here.

Pen: Like it here? Are you nuts, he loves it here. You treat him like a king!

The Pen rushes from the kitchen, excited, but stops in “its” tracks when “it” notices the cat coming out of the carrier.

Pen (surprised): what the…?

A shinny, extra fluffy, black cat, emerges from the carrier, yawning and complaining.

Tux: I can´t believe this nonsense! I´m going to need to see the complaint book. I intend to make a serious complaint about this whole debacle of a voyage.
The service was terrible, and what´s with this stupid idea to shove me in that disgusting looking box. I have an image to maintain…
I´ll have you know, I´m seriously considering about suing. And not just the airline, you too!

Pen (shocked): oh my…

Jason just stares at the meowing cat, utterly confused.

Jason: It seems you have a lot to say.

Tux: I do!
Jason: yeah, I don´t speak cat and I have to go to work, so…

Tux: work? You have to go to work? Surely you´re not thinking of leaving me here in this God awful, forsaken place, are you?

Jason: okay… since that seems to be over.

Tux: oh it´s not, believe me!

The Pen just stares at the two, in awe.

Jason: You´re home. There´s a bed for you to sleep in over there, and there´s food and water in the kitchen, I´m sure you´ll find your way there easily.

Tux: You can´t be serious!
Jason (looking intently): wow, you sure meow a lot.
Tux (angry): Of course I meow, I´m a CAT!

Jason: Okay, I have to go to work now.

Jason grabs his key and backpack and opens the front door to exit.

Jason (cont.): Bye Tux, I´ll see you latter.

Tux: Oh no, you don´t! (chases after him) Get back here you stupid human!

But Jason is out the door and closes it in Tux´s face.

Tux (furious): Freaking unbelievable! Who the hell does he think he is?

As Tux turns around, he finds the Pen in his face.

Pen: Well, hello there.

Tux takes one look at the Pen…

Tux (jumps/screams): AH!

He falls on the floor with a bang.

Tux (cont./in pain): ouch, that hurt…
Pen (happy/deviant): God I missed doing that! You didn´t jump as high as Francis normally does but anyways…

Tux (complaining): that hurt… I think I broke something…

Stares up to find the Pen glaring at him from above.

Pen (menacing): who the FRECK are YOU?
Tux : I beg your pardon?
Pen: I said, who…
Tux (interrupts); yeah, I heard you.

Pen: Then why did you ask?

Tux gets up from the floor, looking at the Pen.

Tux: You´re a Pen…
Pen: good thinking genius.
Tux: Ha… no, I mean, you´re a Pen, a talking, walking Pen.
Pen: yes, well no. I mean, I don´t walk, I glide…

Tux (dead serious): are you an alien?
Pen: excuse me?
Tux: I mean…
Pen (outraged): an ALIEN?

Tux: well, you, by the looks of it, are a PEN.
Pen: yes, good observational skills, dummy! A Pen! Not an alien.
Tux (ignores the snide remark): A talking, moving, I´m sorry, gliding Pen…
Pen: yes, I’m a Pen.
Tux: yes, a pen, but how?
Pen: you seriously expect me to explain to you how pens are made, because that´s a really complicated process and we´ll be here all day.

Tux: No. That´s not what I meant.
Pen: then, what did you mean?
Tux: How are you here?
Pen: Jason brought me.

Tux: What I mean is… (opens eyes wide and freaks out) OH MY GOD!
Pen (startled): WHAT?
Tux: Have I died and gone to HELL?
Pen (dumbstruck): I beg your pardon?

Tux: That´s it, isn´t it? I´m in Hell! I knew I shouldn´t have gone along with that foxy cat Selena, but she was so cute and she said I had really cute whiskers and then there was Moxie, and Tally, she was so sweet and talented, if you know what I mean…

Pen (disgusted): I don´t, and I don´t want to.
Tux: what?
Pen: I never thought this to be possible.
Tux: what´s that?

Pen: you´re even stupider that Francis.
Tux: who?
Pen: The cat that lives here.
Tux: I´m the cat that lives here.

Pen: okay, the other cat that lives here.
Tux (looks around): I´m the only cat that lives here.
Pen: no, you´re not.
Tux: yes, I am.

Pen: no…
Tux: yes.
Pen (panicking): no, you can´t be…
Tux: yup.

Pen: but…
Tux: If you´re referring to the white ball of fur that they buried in the farm a couple of weeks ago…
Pen: couple of weeks ago?
Tux: yeah.

Pen: But I haven´t seen Francis in over a year.
Tux: I don´t know what to say to you, but, yes, it seems that the cat that used to live here died or something.

Pen: or something?
Tux: I think he was partially eaten by a wild animal, so they just buried what was left of him.

The Pen is left speechless and turns “its” back to the cat.

Pen (sad): there´s no way…

Tux: are you okay? Were you guys close or something?
Pen (barely a whisper): or something…

Tux watches as the Pen glides away, with a devious grin on his feline mouth, whiskers tingling with excitement.

Tux: I think I´m going to like it here…

Tux turns towards the kitchen and struts his incredibly furred tail in the air.

Tux (cont.): I need a drink…

The end!

2022_ Joana Teixeira