Francis, the cat, is in his bed, in the kitchen, sleeping deeply and snoring.

Suddenly a huge fart comes out of his ass and he wake up startled.

Cat (jumps off his bed): … what just happened?

He looks to the sides, confused.

He yawns loudly, and then shakes his head from one side to the other, trying to wake up.

Cat (puts his paws to his face): WAKE UP FRANCIS!

He gets up and goes to his water bowl and drinks feverously.

Cat (sated): ha… that´s the stuff…

He sits down, looks up and to the sides and realizes it´s nighttime.

Cat: Oops, looks like I overslept.

He gets up and decides to go outside.

He walks past his kitty door that Jason installed and wonders into his backyard.

OUTSIDE

Francis walks into the garden outside his house and finds a chair.

He jumps and manages to get on it on the first try.

Cat (happy): YES!

He sits and looks up into the night sky and is marveled by the beauty of it.

Cat (fascinated): WOW…

As Francis is looking into the night sky, suddenly he notices a shadow coming his way.

Cat: what the…?

A bad is flying towards Francis and he doesn´t seem to be changing direction anytime soon.

Cat: Oh no…
Bat (yelling): GET OUT OF THE WAY!
Cat (opens eyes wide): oh crap!

Francis ducks his head and the bat flies right past him and crashes onto the floor.

Francis lifts his head and blinks fiercely for a moment.

Cat: what just happened?
Bat (behind Francis): a little help please!
Cat: oh crap!

Francis jumps on the floor and rushes to the distraught bat lying on the floor upside down.

Cat (cont./nears the bat): are you okay?
Bat (still head down): do I look okay to you?
Cat: Umm… no?
Bat: can you give me a hand please?

Francis nears the bat and with his paw reaches for the bat.

Bat (suddenly): wait!
Cat (startled): what?
Bat: You´re not going to try and eat me are you?

Francis rolls his eyes in annoyance.

Bat: what?
Cat: do you want my help or not?
Bat: I do. But I don´t want to end up cat food.
Cat: I´m not going to eat you.

Bat: promise?
Cat: I promise. Now do you want my help or not?
Bat: yes please.

Francis reaches with his paw and nudges the bat to the side so he can get up.

The bat takes his time getting back on his feet and opens and closes his wings a few times to make sure everything is right.

Bat (cont.): thank you.
Cat: No problem. Are you okay?
Bat: yes, thank you for asking.

Cat: so… what are you doing here?
Bat: I crashed here. You saw it!
Cat: I did, yeah. Sorry…

Francis keeps ogling the strange creature in front of him.

Bat: stop staring at me like that!
Cat: sorry, it´s just…
Bat: what?

Cat: what are you?
Bat: what do you mean, what am I? Can´t you see?
Cat: I can, but I still don´t know, that´s why I asked.
Bat: I´m a bat.

Francis opens his eyes in excitement.

Bat (cant./confused): what?
Cat: are you related to Dracula?

The bat is left speechless.

Francis is confused by the bat´s silence.

Cat (cont./insists): are you?
Bat: are you high on something?
Cat: not at the moment no.
Bat: what?

Cat: are you…
Bat (interrupts): I heard you!
Cat (startled): sorry…

Bat: No, I´m not related to Dracula. I do have a cousin who claims to have met him once.
Cat: wow! Did he?
Bat: I don´t know. He´s the black sheep of the family.
Cat: he´s the what now?
Bat: he has a few loose screws.

The bat realizes Francis´s having a hard time understanding what he is saying.

Bat (gives up): he´s the crazy of the family!
Cat (gets it): oh… so he never met him?
Bat: I don´t know.

Cat:  How about Batman? Have you met him?
Bat (losing his patience): NO!
Cat: Batwoman?

Bat: Please shut up.
Cat: okay… grumpy much…

The bat sys in annoyance.

They remain silent for a moment.

Francis looks up, and down and to the sides, and then back at the bat, but he just sits there, silent.

Francis is very uncomfortable with long periods of silence.

Cat (can’t hold it in anymore): so what´s your name?
Bat: who? Me?
Cat: yes. I´m Francis by the way.
Bat: I´m Augustus Von something or other…

Cat: something or other? What kind of a name is that?
Bat: It´s not my name, I just can´t pronounce it.
Cat: You can´t pronounce your own name?

Bat: it´s complicated and foreign and very high class.
Cat: High class my ass…
Bat: what did you just say?

Cat: I need to go back inside and sleep.
Bat: oh okay.
Cat: it was nice meeting you Augustus.
Bat: It was nice meeting you as well Francis.

Francis turns around and starts to walk away but he looks back and the bat is not moving.

Cat: are you okay?
Bat: oh… yeah. I just need a minute. Do you mind if I stay here for a few minutes?
Cat: Not at all.
Bat: thank you Francis. You´re really nice.

Cat: No problem. Just one thing?
Bat: what´s that?
Cat: don´t bite me.
Bat (sys, annoyed): I´m not going to bite you.

Cat: Thank you.
Bat: you´re welcome.
Cat: good night.
Bat: good night.

Francis enters his house, leaving Augustus in his backyard eyeing the sky.

Bat: crazy cat!

The end!

2019_ Joana Teixeira