Francis, the cat, comes outside his house, into the backyard and there, he finds the Pen.

The sun has just set.

Francis approaches the Pen and lies down next to it.

The Pen remains silent.

Francis looks at “it”.

The Pen just stands there, staring at the darkening blue sky, ignoring the restless feline.

Cat (sys): ha…

The Pen doesn´t respond.

Cat (sys louder/annoyed): HAAA…

The Pen continues to ignore him.

Cay (restless): what the…?

Francis ogles the Pen, fiercely.

The Pen turns to face Francis, slowly.

Pen (unfazed): I´ve seen you, I´ve heard you. Now you can leave.
Cat (confused): say what now?
Pen: you can leave.

Cat: I´ll leave whenever I feel like it.
Pen: rude cat.
Cat: why am I rude?

Pen: I need some alone time.
Cat: how´s that my problem?
Pen: like I said, rude!
Cat (ignores the remark): why do you need alone time?

Pen: Because sometimes I need to take some time away from everything and evaluate the state of things.

Cat (curious): what things?
Pen: Life.
Cat: You´re a Pen.
Pen: your point being?

Cat: Why would you need to evaluate anything at all?
Pen: you truly are a lesser creature.
Cat: Hey!
Pen: what?

Cat: I don´t know what that means, but I´m sure it´s something bad.
Pen: why do assume that?
Cat: coming from you, it can never be good.

The Pen smiles, defiantly.

Cat: Aha!
Pen: what?
Cat: just now, you were smiling.
Pen: And I can´t smile, is that it?

Cat: you smiled because I was right!
Pen: did I now?
Cat: stop doing that!
Pen (innocent): doing what?

Cat: taunting me.
Pen: Francis, I was already here, in this backyard, when you showed up, and interrupted my alone, peaceful time.

Cat: so, let me get this straight. Whenever I´m alone, in MY peaceful time and you come along and mock me, taunt me and bother me to no end, it´s okay. But I can´t?

Pen: No.
Cat (angry): why the hell not?
Pen: because I am me and you´re you.
Cat (confused): what?

Pen: you´re a cat and I´m a Pen.
Cat: well duh!
Pen (rolls “its” eyes): Francis, I´m a superior being.
Cat: you´re a superior pain in my ass.

Pen: I´m not THAT big!
Cat: shut up.
Pen: Leave.
Cat (opens eyes wide): Aha!

Pen: what now?
Cat: are you waiting for your family?
Pen: what?
Cat: that´s it, isn´t it?

Pen (dumbstruck): my family?
Cat: yeah. From up above.

Francis excitedly points up with his paw.

The Pen looks up to the sky, realizing what the cat is referring to.

Pen (shakes “its” head): I´ve said this before but, If you didn´t exist, I seriously doubt anyone would be dumb enough to invent you.

Cat: I´m awesome and limited edition.
Pen: more like one of a kind.
Cat (proud): why thank you.
Pen: that wasn´t a compliment.

Cat: Oh I know it was.
Pen: great. You can leave now.
Cat: oh right. The fam.
Pen: the what?

Cat: your family´s coming to visit.
Pen: My family?
Cat: from up above. That´s why you want to be here alone. I´ll leave.

Francis gets up to leave.

Cat (cont.): you know what would be great?
Pen: what?
Cat: if you went with them.

Pen: Francis…
Cat (turns back): Oh and if this is a forever goodbye, no hard feelings. Safe journey.
Pen: You really need to stop watching those crazy cartoons.
Cat: No way. Those are my life.

Pen: my point exactly.
Cat: bye.
Pen: crazy cat.

Francis leaves the yard and goes back inside his house.

He reaches the kitchen and goes straight for his bed.

With a smile on his lips he lays down to rest in his bed.

Cat (content): goodbye forever, stick!

Next morning.

Francis the cat is sleeping splashed on the floor, next to his bed, belly up.

He´s snoring like he just swallowed an airplane engine and is drooling a little from the left side of his mouth.

Suddenly, he opens his eyes and smiles defiantly.

He turns around, gets on his feet (or paws), and runs off, excited like it´s Christmas morning.

Francis goes from one end of the house to the other. Goes through every room looking for something.

He finally comes back to his starting point, the kitchen.

Francis has a huge grin on his face, he´s beyond happy.

He looks to the sides and once he realizes no one is watching he gets up and starts to dance.

Cat (happy): WOO HOO! Yes! Finally! Peace and quiet. Good riddance! Ha! Ha! Ha! They actually took “IT” with them!

Francis is super happy and continues to dance like crazy.

Cat (dancing and singing):It´s a beautiful day! I love my life! Good bye forever, Pen from Hell!

He dances on to the living room, singing and twirling.

Cat (cont./singing): Goodbye forever, Pen from Hell! Good…

Francis comes within an inch of the Pen when he suddenly freezes.

The Pen just “stands” there, eying the cat.

Cat (stumped): … what?
Pen: Pen from hell? Really?
Cat: Um…? Weren´t you leaving?
Pen: who said I was leaving?

Cat: you!
Pen: I never said I was leaving.
Cat: but…
Pen: I was standing there, peacefully eyeing the sky.

Cat: waiting for…
Pen (angry): I wasn´t waiting for anyone!  Shut up already!
Cat: but the aliens…
Pen: there are no ALIENS!

Cat (weeping): but…
Pen (angry): Agh! Shut up!
Cat: I…

Pen (interrupts): retarded cat!
Cat: hey! No need to offend.
Pen: oh but you can offend me?
Cat (innocent):  what did I do?

Pen: you keep saying Aliens and leaving! I´m not leaving!
Cat (pouting): why not?
Pen (yelling): AGH! Shut up!
Cat: but…

Pen (loosing “its” patience): shut up! If the aliens ever came here, they´d be coming for you, not me!

Cat: why would they come for me?
Pen: to study and dissect a retarded and useless creature whose sole purpose of existence is to be an annoyance!

Cat (totally disregards the comment): oh please I´m awesome.
Pen: you´re really not!

Cat: of course I am. And if they ever come for me, it will be because they know the intelligent being that I am and that they know how good of a leader I can be.

Pen: Oh please! If by any mistake they ever took you with them, as soon as they reached the stratosphere, they´d throw you out the window.

Cat (confused): the what?
Pen: two minutes after takeoff…
Cat: oh, and you couldn´t´ have said that?

Pen: said what?
Cat: two minutes after takeoff.
Pen: and you claim to be the great one to lead them.
Cat: probably.

Pen: I give up.
Cat: finally. Does that mean you´re leaving?
Pen: No.
Cat: why not?

Pen: I´ll tell you what, I´ll go elsewhere, for now.
Cat: okay.
Pen: Okay?
Cat: yes. But don´t come back.

Pen: stupid cat.
Cat: right back at you.
Pen: I´m not a cat.
Cat: no, but you´re stupid. Ha! Ha! Ha!

The Pen sys and turns “its” back to Francis.

Cat: good bye.
Pen: yeah, yeah…

Francis looks on as the Pen leaves.

Cat (to himself): crap! Why couldn´t those stupid aliens have taken that stupid Pen with them?

Francis sys in annoyance, drops to the floor, belly up.

Two seconds later the engine is on and the cat is sound asleep.

Cat (in his sleep, slurring): pen from space, ha… ha… zzzz

The end!

2019_ Joana Teixeira