Francis, the cat, is sitting by the window silk when the Pen comes along.

With a deviant smile on “its” lips, the Pen nears the resting cat.

Pen (yelling/trying to scare the cat): Happy birthday Francis!
Cat (unfazed): what in the freck are you talking about? It´s not my birthday.
Pen (confused): are you sure?

Cat: Am I sure it´s not my birthday?
Pen: yes. That´s what I asked you crazy cat.
Cat: I´m sure.

Pen: but…
Cat (interrupts): No butts. It´s not my birthday.
Pen: how can you know?
Cat: I know.

Pen: But how do you know?
Cat: because if it was my birthday, Jason would have told me so.
Pen: what if he doesn´t know.
Cat: he knows.

Pen: How does he know?
Cat: I´m his child. He knows all there is to know about me.
Pen: All there is?
Cat: well, no. There´s a ton of stuff I never want him to even dream about me.

Pen: Like your addiction to alcohol?
Cat: what alcohol?
Pen: your magic milk.
Cat: oh no. He knows about that.

Pen (surprised): he knows?
Cat: yup. He even offers me some from time to time.
Pen: You´re kidding me.
Cat: nope.

Pen: Your human should be arrested.
Cat: for what? Bringing a dammed soul into this house?
Pen: dammed soul? What the heck are you talking about?
Cat: um… you?

Pen: I´m not a dammed soul.
Cat: oh no? Then what are you? Satan´s pet?
Pen: You´re seriously demented, did you know that?
Cat: I´m awesome.

Pen: so, he really gives you booze?
Cat (confused): booze?
Pen: your magic milk.
Cat: oh, yeah, sometimes…
Pen: happy…

Cat (interrupts): no.
Pen: are you sure?
Cat: I´m sure.
Pen: balls.

Cat: why are you so obsessed with my birthday?
Pen: who said I´m obsessed?
Cat: You´re all “happy birthday!” and stuff.
Pen: I just like mocking you.

Cat: yeah, you do.
Pen: And calling you an old man is just icing on the cake.
Cat (eyes open wide): cake? You have cake?

Francis jumps to the floor and nears the Pen.

Pen (shakes “its” head in disbelief): cake´s the magic word, isn´t it?
Cat: you didn´t answer my question.
Pen: what question?

Cat: I asked you if you had cake.
Pen: there´s no cake.
Cat: you truly are a demon.

Pen: what did I do?
Cat: you said cake.
Pen: And if I had said fish sticks?

Cat: You have fish sticks?
Pen: is it possible that the only thing you ever think about is food?
Cat: not the only thing.
Pen: so what else do you think about?

Cat: um…
Pen (interrupts): sleeping and farting doesn´t count.
Cat: why do I even bother to waste my time with you?
Pen: I´m your one and only friend.

Cat: you´re seriously demented.
Pen (mocking): truth hurts baby.
Cat: baby?
Pen: too much…

Cat: I´ll have you know I have plenty of friends.
Pen: yes, yes… you´re a cat and you´re friends with a rat and a bird. You´re a disgrace to cats all over the world.
Cat: say what now?

Pen: Cats Eat Rats and birds and you wine and dine them.
Cat: I do what?
Pen: I give up. Today, you´re too stupid even for me.

Cat: you’re the one who´s stupid.
Pen: You share your food with them.
Cat: so what? I´m a good soul and I share my good fortune with others.

Pen: yes, that´s true.
Cat (surprised): you´re agreeing with me?
Pen: yes.
Cat: why?

Pen: you´re an idiot.
Cat: you are a dammed soul.
Pen (ignores the comment): you´re a cat. You´re supposed to eat them.
Cat: No way.

Pen: see? Weird!
Cat: is it possible that all you can ever do is nag and bitch?
Pen: cats eat rats and birds.
Cat (rolls his eyes): you´re just jealous I have such awesome friends.

Pen (pouting): I´m not jealous…
Cat: don´t worry, I can be your friend as well.
Pen (shocked): no way!
Cat: why not?

Pen: you and I are arch nemesis.
Cat (curious): and that means what exactly?
Pen (sys): stupid!
Cat: right back at ya!

Pen: Bye.
Cat (as the Pen is leaving): Hopefully forever.
Pen (yelling back): don´t get your hopes up!
Cat: demonic  Pen.

The end.

2019_ Joana Teixeira