Rafael, the bird, and Raul, the rat, are in Jason´s backyard.
Rafael: I´m telling you, it´s that time of the year…
Raul (confused): what time of the year? What are you talking about?
Rafael doesn´t answer his rodent friend as he´s ogling something.
Raul passes his hand in front of the bird´s face.
Raul (curious): Raf? What´s wrong?
Raul follows Rafael´s gaze and he himself is stunned by what he sees.
Raul (shocked): what the…?
Out comes Francis, the cat, wearing a full bunny outfit, bunny ears high in the air.
Rafael: Am I seeing things? Or is that crazy cat…?
Raul: No, I see it too…
Rafael: good…
Raul: good?
Rafael: I had some weird seeds earlier…
Francis nears them but the bird and the rat remain silent.
As he reaches his friends he sits down and sys, loudly.
Cat: Haa…
Raul (hesitates): Um… Francis?
Cat: What? Oh hey Raul, how are you?
Raul (stumped): Good, I hope…
Cat: what?
Rafael: I´m here too, you know!
Cat: Oh, hi Rafael…
Raul: Francis?
Cat: what?
Raul: the bunny outfit?
Cat: Easter, school, kids.
Both Raul and Rafael breathe our relieved.
Cat (confused): what?
Rafael: nothing.
Raul (changing the subject): are you okay?
Cat: I´m exhausted.
Rafael: kids give you a hard time?
Cat: what? No. Kids are incredibly sweet. “Cruella” on the other hand…
Rafael/Raul: who?
Out comes Amelia, she´s also wearing a bunny outfit and mumbling something to herself.
Amelia (pissed off): bunny! I´m a cat! A beautiful and wonderful cat!
Rafael (whispering to Raul): Is this some crazy cat fetish or something? I´ve heard humans can have some crazy inclinations but as for cats, I´ll say this is the first.
He then looks at Francis, who is staring down at him, pissed about the bird´s snide remark.
Rafael: Oh hey Francis, how are you?
Cat: just shut up.
Amelia: Francis!
Cat (startled): what?
Amelia: how do I get out of this stupid thing?
Cat: you can´t.
Amelia (irritated): Don´t tell me what I can and can´t do! I want out of this thing right now!
Cat: You have to wait for Jason or Missy to get it out of you.
Amelia (exasperated): why?
Cat: because it closes in the back and there´s no way for us to get it out. Trust me, I´ve tried.
Amelia (mean and angry): you´re a useless creature, what do you know?
Cat: hey!
Raul: Raf, I think this is our cue to leave.
Rafael: No way!
Raul: what?
Rafael: I want to know. Don´t you want to know?
Cat (upset): there´s nothing to know! Just go home!
Rafael: No.
Cat: Oh for heaven´s sake…
Francis looks at Amelia, who really hates to be ignored.
Cat: Oh hi honey.
Amelia: Honey my ass!
Francis recoils in fear.
Cat: yes dear.
Raul: Francis?
Cat: yes?
Raul: should I ask?
Cat (exasperated): school, kids, Easter!
Amelia: you mean hell, hell beasts and stupid holiday!
Francis looks up to the sides to afraid to say another word.
Rafael: Amelia, dear, we know how weird and obnoxious Francis can get…
Cat (offended): hey!
Raul: shut up.
Cat: what?
Off of Raul´s stare Francis pipes down.
Rafael (cont.): … but, how did you get… um…
Amelia: in this crazy, stupid bunny outfit?
Rafael: yes…
Amelia: well, apparently, our crazy feline friend over here was such a hit last year…
All three of them look at Francis who looks incredibly proud of himself.
Amelia (cont./rolls her eyes in disdain): … that this year, stupid Missy thought it would be a good idea for me to tag along.
Raul: I’m assuming it didn´t go so well?
Amelia: well? Those kids were awful and crazy…
Cat: oh come on Amelia, it wasn´t that bad.
Amelia: It wasn´t? They pulled on my ears, I got passed around like some stupid stuffed animal… Should I continue?
Francis looks to the sides and tries to scratch his head, unable to answer.
Rafael: I´m going to go with… no.
Amelia: How could you possibly have fun like that?
Cat (clueless): oh, you´re talking to me?
Amelia: who else would I be talking to?
Francis is about to say something stupid and sign his death sentence, so Raul decides to interrupt before murder ensues.
Raul: was it really that bad?
Amelia: yes!/ Cat: No!
Amelia exhales loudly and gives Francis a murder glare.
Francis swallows in dry, petrified.
Amelia (bitching): crazy ass cat!
Amelia turns around and stomps off leaving the three amigos behind.
They remain silent, waiting for Amelia to get inside the house.
Francis, Raul and Rafael exhale loudly.
Cat: that was close.
Raul: why?
Cat: what? she´s…
Raul: No. I got that. What I mean is, what´s with dressing you two like bunnies.
Cat: Easter…
Rafael: so?
Cat: Easter bunnies.
Rafael: you´re cats!
Cat: yes, but there´s no such thing as Easter cats.
Rafael throws his wings to the air in despair.
Rafael: I give up! You´re weird, your girlfriend is weird and your humans are weird.
Cat: Like you can talk.
Rafael (stumped): what did I do?
Cat: you´re friends with a cat and a rat. That makes you weird.
Rafael: oh yeah? You´re friends with a rat and a bird…
Raul (interrupts): don´t forget the snake.
Rafael: oh yeah, I forgot about that. What does that make you huh?
Cat (confident): Awsome!
The three of them break out laughing.
From inside the house Amelia shouts.
Amelia (loudly/pissed): JUST SHUT UP!
Raul: I have to go.
Rafael: me too!
Before Francis can utter a word, Rafael flies off and Raul runs home.
Cat (annoyed): Bye, I guess…
Amelia (from inside the house): Francis!
Francis, the cat, exhales loudly.
Cat: I´m a dead cat.
He gets up and starts to walk towards the door to get inside.
Amelia (inside the house/yells again): Francis!
Cat (like walking to his funeral): I´m coming dear…
The end!
2019_ Joana Teixeira
Happy Easter!
