Francis, the cat, wakes up from his second afternoon nap.

He yawns loudly and burps right after.

Cat: BURP… ha! Ha! Ha!

He ´s highly entertained with himself.

Francis gets up and walks towards the kitchen.

As he reaches his destination, from the corner of his eye he spots something incredibly yummy: chocolate cake!

Cat (marveled): oh my…

Francis makes his way to kitchen table and tries to jump on the table.

He falls on his face.

The sweet aroma from the chocolate reaches him and he nearly faints from the smell.

Cat (cont./drooling): I love chocolate…

He jumps once and nearly makes it but his butt´s too heavy and he tumbles back.

He digs his claws into the kitchen towel set on the table and as he falls to the floor everything on the table follows him and lands on his head.

Moments later…

Francis is laid on the floor and the kitchen is a mess.

There´s cake everywhere, especially on top of Francis´s head.

Francis opens his eyes and looks to the sides, confused and with no memory of what just happened.

The Pen comes along.

As “it” spots Francis and the huge mess he just made, “it” rushes near him.

Pen: Francis? Are you okay?
Cat: Who? What now?

Pen: Francis?
Cat: are you talking to me?
Pen: of course I´m talking to you. Who else could I be talking to?

Cat: I don´t know.
Pen: are you okay?
Cat: yes.
Pen: are you sure?

Cat: yes. Want some chocolate cake?
Pen: you made all this mess because of cake?
Cat: no.
Pen: Then why?

Cat: I made this mess because of chocolate cake.
Pen: chocolate?
Cat: mmm yes. It´s yummy.
Pen (baffled): you´re crazy.

Cat ignores the comment and nears the cake on the floor.

Pen: Francis?
Cat (looks back): what?

Pen: are you sure you´re okay?
Cat: I´m fine. Why do you ask?
Pen: You just got hit in the head with a massive cake.
Cat: It´s chocolate cake.

Pen: so…?
Cat: so, it´s CHOCOLATE cake!
Pen: you´re crazy.
Cat: you´re obnoxious. Now let me eat!

Pen: you´re going to get fatter.
Cat: No I won’t.
Pen:   oh no?
Cat: No. I´ll just get fluffier.

Pen: Ha! You wish.
Cat: please go away and let me eat in peace.
Pen: Jason´s going to kill you.
Cat: pft, no he won´t.

Pen: How can you be so sure?
Cat: He left it there for me.
Pen: Ha! Ha! Ha! You are crazy.
Cat: what?

Pen: why would he leave a chocolate cake for you?
Cat: because he knows I love chocolate. And cake. It´s the perfect combination.
Pen: you´re the perfect combination.
Cat (confused): combination of what?

Pen: stupid and deluded.
Cat: Pen, I offered t share with you, didn´t I?
Pen: yes, it´s true. Thank you but I don´t like chocolate.

Cat: of course not. You´re demonic.
Pen: why do you say that?
Cat: who doesn´t like chocolate?

Pen: a lot of people don’t like chocolate.
Cat: Pen?
Pen: yes?
Cat: you´re a pen.

Pen: what´s your point?
Cat: you´re not people!
Pen: neither are you, you stupid fur ball!

Cat: no. I´m the all amazing and wonderful cat, Francis.
Pen: you´re a gluttonous pussycat, that´s what you are.

Cat: you do know you´re using words to offend me that I have absolutely no idea what they mean, right?

Pen: I´m aware. Why?
Cat: How can I be offended if I don´t understand what you are saying?
Pen: It´s implied. You know I´m mocking you.
Cat: yes, okay. I´m offended. Now go away.

Pen: no.
Cat: fine. Suit yourself.

Francis turns his back to the Pen and starts to eat his yummy cake.

Pen: Francis?
Cat (doesn´t stop eating): mm…  what?
Pen: It was nice knowing you.
Cat (looks back at the Pen/confused): what?

Jason comes near Francis.

Jason (murderous looks): FRANCIS!
Cat (looks up unfazed/chocolate all over his face): hi Jason.

Francis resumes eating.

Jason (angry): Francis! You crazy, gluttonous cat! Look at this huge mess!
Cat: oh yeah. I´m sorry. But, it was your fault. Why did you have to set the cake up on the table?

Jason picks him up and takes him to the bathroom.

Jason: you´ve got chocolate all over you.
Cat (angry): hey! Let me go back! (yelling) My yummy cake.

Jason closes the door behind him.

Outside the Pen looks at the closed door.

“It” recoils when Francis starts, from inside the bathroom, yelling.

Cat (inside the bathroom): HEY! YOU STUPID HUMAN! THAT WATER IS COLD!

Pen: Ha! Ha! Ha!

Jason(inside the bathroom): this is what you get for eating my chocolate cake you crazy cat!
Cat (inside the bathroom /upset): You mean that cake wasn´t for me?

Pen: Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh those two are a riot. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Cat (inside the bathroom):: I´m going to kill you in your sleep you stupid human!

The end!

Pen: Ha! Ha! Ha!

2019_ Joana Teixeira