The Pen comes along to find Francis, the cat, lying on the living room floor.

Around him, scattered all over the floor, are Chocolate wraps.

Francis has chocolate marks all over his face.

Pen: Hey fur ball, what´re you doing?

Instead of answering the Pen, Francis lets out a huge burp.

Cat: BUUUUURP!
Pen: pig!
Cat: I´m a cat.

Pen: you´re a pig cat.
Cat (utterly clueless): a what?
Pen: Cat pig?

Cat: shut up!
Pen: what´s all of this?
Cat: chocolate treats.
Pen: minus the chocolates, which you already ate.

Cat (proud of himself):  yes I did.
Pen: you´re going to get fatter.
Cat: No.
Pen: oh no?

Cat: no. I´ll just get fluffier.
Pen: yeah, that´s not how it works.
Cat: what do you know? You´re a stick.
Pen: yes, and you´re a really fat cat, getting fatter by the day.

Cat: I´ve told you countless times, I´m not fat, I´m fluffy.
Pen: Francis, the fat, fluffy cat! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Cat (annoyed): shut up!

Pen: Anyways, where did you get all this chocolate from? Don´t tell me Amelia gave you all of this. Does she have some sort of crazy fat cat fetish or something?

Cat: ha, ha… you´re hilarious.
Pen: I know, I don´t need you to tell me that.
Cat: I was being sarcastic.
Pen: yes well, guess what? You suck at it.

Cat: suck at what?
Pen: sarcasm.
Cat: you´re the one who sucks.

Pen: Francis, where did you get the chocolates?
Cat: yesterday was Valentine´s Day.
Pen: so?

Cat: Valentine´s day?
Pen: yes, I get that.
Cat: so, what was your question again?

Pen (sys): ha… Francis?
Cat: what?
Pen: I get that it was Valentine´s day.

Cat: okay.
Pen: what does that have to do with all this chocolate? Or empty chocolate wraps, in this particular case.

Cat: It was Valentine´s Day! I have a lot of fans.
Pen: No you don´t.
Cat: sure I do.
Pen: you stole the chocolates, didn´t you?

Cat (offended): what? Of course not! Who do you take me for?
Pen: a…
Cat (interrupts): shut up. Don´t answer that!

Pen: you´re seriously damaged, did you know that?
Cat: I received a lot of presents for Valentine´s Day.
Pen (doubtful): you did?
Cat: yes.

Pen: why?
Cat: ´cause I´m awesome.
Pen: no, you´re not.

Cat: yes, well, thankfully, no one else seems to share that opinion of yours about me.
Pen: they´re your AA friends or something?
Cat (clueless): AA?
Pen: Alcoholic anonymous.

Cat: they´re not anonymous, I know them.
Pen (blunt): you´re stupid!
Cat: You´re demonic!
Pen: that´s a compliment, you idiot.

Cat (getting angry): Just go away!
Pen: No.
Cat: why not?
Pen: because I like annoying the heck out of you.

Cat: I hate you. And now you´re making my head hurt.
Pen: I´m not doing anything.
Cat: you´re upsetting me.

Pen: Francis, you´re head hurts because you had way too much chocolate. It´s from all the sugar you just ate.

Cat: really?
Pen: yes. You´re a small cat and you ate enough chocolate to feed an army of children. (notices Francis smiling)why are you smiling you idiot?

Cat: you just said and I quote: “you´re a small cat”.
Pen: yes, I forgot to mention stupid, retarded. You have selective hearing.
Cat: I have what?
Pen: Oh for heaven´s sake…

Cat: I didn´t know you prayed.
Pen: I what?
Cat: Prayed.
Pen: when did you hear me pray?

Cat: you just said: “oh for heaven´s sake”
Pen (dumbstruck): get some sleep. Seriously.
Cat: okay.
Pen: Okay?

Cat (yawning): … yes. I´m sleepy.
Pen: you…
Cat: yes?
Pen: Nothing. Go to sleep.

Cat: okay.
Pen: okay.
Cat: bye.

Francis takes awhile to get up.

The Pen watches on by as the sleepy cat slowly rises from the ground and starts to walk towards the couch pillow thrown on the floor.

Francis slashes down onto the pillow without much of an effort.

As soon as his head drops, he’s asleep.

Pen: crazy ass cat… fluffy? Ha! Ha! Ha! You wish.

The end.

2019_ Joana Teixeira