Francis, the cat, enters his house and walks towards the kitchen.

On his way, the Pen shows up in front of him, fuming.

Francis sys in annoyance at the sight of his demonic “frenemy”.

Pen: where the hell have you been?
Cat: How´s that any of your business?
Pen: everything you do is my business!

Cat: Ha! Sure it is. Especially every time I go to the bathroom, that´s your favorite out of all my activities, isn´t it?

Pen: you´re seriously damaged, did you know that?
Cat (ignores the snide remark): you want to know what I´d like?
Pen: a new brain?

Cat: No. I´d love to see a group of aliens come back here and take you with them to their home planet on their spaceship.
Pen: Seriously Francis? You are so mean!
Cat: What?

Pen: don´t you know they´d make experiments on me and such?
Cat: Oh please! Knowing you like I do, you´d be ruling their planet before dinner time.

Pen (gets interested): know where I can find one of those?
Cat: Those what?
Pen: spaceships…

Cat: How the hell should I know?  Just grab a cell and phone home!
Pen: I don´t have the number.

Francis starts to walk around the Pen, trying to see behind it.

Pen (confused): What are you doing?
Cat: trying to see your back.
Pen: what for?
Cat: Most hussies have their home numbers tattooed on their asses.

Pen: What?
Cat: you know, usually with a message: “in case you find me drunk and/or unconscious please dial this number.

Pen: I truly wonder…
Cat: How I can be this fabulous?
Pen: How you can be this retarded.

Cat: you´re the one who´s retarded.
Pen: Francis…
Cat (interrupts): what?

Pen: stop doing that!
Cat: doing what?
Pen: Interrupting me.

Cat: I didn´t interrupt you. You said “Francis!”, and I said “What?”
Pen: You have like no sense of anything.
Cat: and you have like no sense of anything.

Pen (getting angry): stop doing that!
Cat: doing what?
Pen: repeating after me!

Cat: repeating what?
Pen: You, my…
Cat (interrupts again): wow! Your what?
Pen: Stop doing that!

Cat (breaks out laughing): Ha! Ha! Ha!
Pen (sys in annoyance): haaa…
Cat (smiling, highly amused): Something wrong dear?

Pen: You…

The Pen waits to see if Francis is going to say anything and interrupt.

Francis remains silent.

Pen (cont.): … are a seriously…
Cat (interrupts): amazing cat, a wondrous feline…
Pen (gets infuriated): stop! Shut up! This morning, you have done nothing but infuriate me.
Cat: and that´s my problem because?

Pen: what did you drink this time?
Cat: absolutely (hiccup) nothing…
Pen: for some strange reason I don´t believe you.

Cat: What makes you think I care?
Pen: Francis…
Cat: Pen!

Pen (screaming/angry): STUPID CAT!
Cat: Ha! Ha! Ha!

The Pen “stomps away”.

Pen (bitching/leaving): Crazy, drunkard cat…!
Cat: Ha! Ha! Ha!

Francis is left alone, on the floor, laughing his ass off.

Cat (cont.): Ha! Ha! Ha!…

The end!

2018_ Joana Teixeira