Francis enters his house through the back door.
He´s incredibly grumpy as it has just started raining and he hates the rain. He especially hates getting wet.
As he reaches the kitchen, soaking wet, he spots a bottle on the Counter. He doesn´t know what it is but his curiosity gets the best of him and he makes his way towards it.
He jumps on the stool, or he tries to as he slips and falls on his face.
As he´s not a quitter, he tries once more and the same thing happens again.
He sys, as he´s growing tired.
Cat: one more…
This time he makes it and manages to get on the stool.
Cat (cont.): Ha! Made it!
But since he´s wet and slippery he slides off the stool and ends up on the floor once again.
Cat (cont./bitching): Ouch…
He stands up and looks at the bottle.
Cat (angry): Bitch!
Francis gets a new resolve, jumps on the stool and gets on the counter.
Cat (proud): Ha! Not laughing now are you?
He nears the bottle and realizes it has been left open.
Francis puts his nose near it and smells its contents.
Cat (delighted): oh my…
With his paw he knocks it down.
Cat (apologetic): oops…
As the sweet nectar pours out Francis drinks feverously.
A bit wobbly, Francis makes his way to the living room. His program is about to start.
Half way there, he passes by a mirror as sees his own reflection.
He´s so enthralled by what he sees, he doubles back.
Cat: well hello there gorgeous!
Francis starts to walk back and forth, in front of the mirror, never taking his eyes off of his own reflection.
Cat: my God, you truly are stunning.
Pen: I swear to God, I have never met a creature as conceited and shallow as you.
Cat: what you mean to say, hellish Pen, is that you have never encountered as creature as wonderful as myself.
Pen: crazy, drunkard and extremely humble.
Cat: I’m amazing.
Pen: you´re delusional, that´s what you are.
Cat: if I´m that awful, why do you bother with me, better yet, why do you keep bothering me?
Pen: You´re my main source of entertainment.
Cat: you my miserable creature, have a very sad existence.
Pen: no I don´t.
Cat: It´s okay. I understand.
Pen: you understand?
Pen: and what exactly do you understand?
Cat: for you, I´m like the Sun.
Pen: say what now?
Cat: your very existence revolves around me.
Pen: Francis, what did you drink?
Cat: I don´t know.
Pen: You don´t know?
Cat: No. It was on the counter, it smelled wonderful, so I drank it. It was an absolute delight.
Pen: so, you drank something just because it was on the counter, you didn’t bother to check what it was before you drank it?
Cat: it was on the counter what else could that have been?
Pen: I don´t know, soap maybe?
Cat: tasted great. Not like soap at all.
Pen (grinning): so you have tasted soap?
Cat: that was only that one time that I… never mind.
Pen: you are seriously damaged.
Cat: Just go away.
Cat: because I want you to go.
Pen: delusional creature, when have I, the all amazing and wonderful Pen, done what you wanted me to do?
Cat: I don´t remember.
Pen: the reason you don´t remember is simple. It never happened.
Cat: what if I say “pretty please”?
Pen: I´ll consider it.
Cat: Pretty please.
Pen: Pretty please what?
Cat: pretty please go away.
Cat: But you said…
Pen: I said I´d consider it, not that I’d do it.
Cat: You my “frenemy”, can´t be trusted.
Pen: Fre what?
Pen: stupid cat, have you been chewing the thesaurus again, ‘cause you´re mix matching your words again.
Cat: frenemy, it’s a word.
Pen: since when?
Cat: How the heck should I know?
Francis starts to smile like an idiot.
Pen: Why are you grinning?
Cat: just admit it, I know something you don´t.
Pen: just because you make up crazy words doesn´t mean you actually know something.
Cat: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Pen: Pussycat, what exactly was in that bottle?
Cat: don´t know, don´t care.
Pen: what if it had been poison, did you ever think of that?
Cat: if it had been poison, I would have died happy because it was incredibly yummy.
Pen: I worry about you Francis.
Cat: no you don´t.
Pen: yes, I do.
Cat: the only thing you´re worried about is that if I die, you lose your so called “main source of entertainment”.
Pen: that´s not true.
Cat: oh no?
Cat: and why´s that?
Pen (grinning): you´re my only source of entertainment.
Cat: just die!
Pen: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Cat: I hate you.
Pen: Love you too fur ball.
2017_ Joana Teixeira