It´s a sunny afternoon and Missy, Jason´s girlfriend, “kicks” Francis out of the house.

She steps into the backyard with a sleeping Francis in her arms.

As she reaches a chair she sets him, carefully.

Missy: kitty? Wakey, wakey…
Cat (slurring his words): let me sleep…

She nudges him in the head.

Missy: Francis?
Cat (lifts his head): what…?

He sees where he is.

Cat (cont.): what the…?

Looks up and finds Missy smiling at him.

Cat (cont.): what the hell woman!
Missy: Now pussycat, you can go play, it´s a beautiful day. And I need you out of the house so I can clean up, okay?

Cat: how is that my problem? I was quiet. I was sleeping and while on the subject, swimming in a delicious ocean of magic milk.

As Francis keeps “yapping”, Missy takes the opportunity to go back inside the house.

Cat (cont.): … and there I was, in an infinite sea of delicious goodness…

Suddenly he realizes he´s talking to himself.

Cat (cont./upset):Hey! Rude woman…

Francis gets up from the chair and jumps onto the floor.

He starts to make his way to the back gate when from the corner of his eye he spots something.

He continues to walk but he´s so enthralled by what he is seeing that he walks straight into the fence in front of him.

Cat (complaining): Ouch…

For a second, Francis doesn´t know how to react, until he hears laughter.

Kit: Ha! Ha! Ha!

Francis gets flustered.

Kit (cont.): Wow! You actually walked right into that!
Cat (embarrassed): yes… I um… who are you?
Kit: name´s Kit.

Cat: kit?
Kit: yeah. Who´re you?
Cat: I´m Francis.

Kit: well, it´s nice to meet you Francis
Cat: Likewise. What´re you doing here?
Kit: Here, on planet Earth?

Cat: Here in my backyard.
Kit: Oh that…
Cat: yes, that!

Kit: Nothing much.
Cat: I see… where do you live? Are you lost?
Kit: do you always ask these many questions as soon as you meet someone?
Cat: No. But then again, you are on my property.

Kit: It´s not your property. It belongs to the human that also owns you.
Cat: The human, Jason, doesn´t own me, he adopted me. I´m his child.
Kit: yeah, I can see the resemblance.

Cat: say what?
Kit (changing the subject): do you live here?
Cat: yes…

Kit: I see. Let me guess, good food, warm bed, lots of love?
Cat: Can´t complain.

They both fall silent for a minute.

Francis realizes how uncomfortable she is.

Cat: you don´t have a home, do you?
Kit: what? Of course I have a home, pft…  I just, do you have any food?

Cat: sure. Come on.
Kit (excited): Really? (doubles back) wait, you´re not one of those old creepy dudes that says he has food and then…

Cat (offended): I´m not an old dude!

Suddenly, from the corner of his eye, Francis spots Raul, the rat, entering his property.

Kit: I didn´t mean…
Cat: (hurries to block her view from the rat): It´s okay, come on.
Kit: okay. Are you always this weird?

Francis doesn´t answer and rushes her towards his house.

Raul: wait!
Cat: ah crap!

Francis then looks at Kit and watches as her eyes open wide at the sight of his rodent friend.

Before Kit can act, Francis gets between the two.

Cat: now Kit…
Kit: Uncle!
Cat (dumbstruck): uncle?

Raul: Kit what are you doing here?
Cat (once again) uncle?
Raul: It´s a long story. (to Kit) didn´t I tell you not to wonder off.

Kit: sorry. I got hungry.
Cat: I´m sorry, uncle?
Raul: you´re still dwelling on that?

Francis just shrugs.

Raul (cont./sys): it´s obvious I´m not her uncle.
Kit: But you said I could call you uncle…

Raul (shaking his head): Oh for heaven´s sake.  Listen up kid…
Kit: Kit!

Raul: yes, Kit. Yes, you can call me uncle. What you can´t do is wonder off like that! You ended up here with Francis.

Cat (offended): why is it so bad that she ended here with me? What did you think I was going to do the kid? Teach her crochet or something?

Raul: What? No! It´s a relief that she came here and found you. But had she gone elsewhere, I don´t know if I would have been able to find her. And there are cars and people and other animals…

Cat: wow, hold up pops, she´s okay.
Raul (takes a deep breath): yes… and also, what if she had gone two houses down instead of here?

Cat (realizes): Oh yeah, that would have been bad.
Kit: why?
Cat: Rudolf.

Kit: Santa´s reindeer?
Raul : No. Sally´s pit bull.
Cat: yeah, he doesn´t like cats.

Raul: or rats.
Kit: I see.
Raul: come on. Thank you Francis.

Cat: wait. You´re taking her with you?
Raul: yeah. I mean, unless you want her to stay here with you.

Cat: I don´t think Jason wants another cat, plus Amelia would kill me. But I did overhear him talking about his friend from work wanting to get a cat for his daughter.

Raul: I don´t know…
Cat: Don´t worry. I´ve met her. She´s a sweetheart.
Kit: really?

Cat: yeah.
Raul: And just how are you going to pull that off? I mean, you go up to…
Cat: Jason.
Raul: Jason. And do what? Miau, Miau. I want you to take this cat to be adopted.

Cat: You´re underestimating my ability to manipulate Jason into doing what I want.
Raul (smiling): okay. (to Kit) do you want to go?
Kit: do you think they´ll like me?
Raul: I think they´ll love you.

Cat: come on Kit. Bye Raul.
Raul: Bye Francis and thank you.

Kit starts to walk towards the house with Francis but suddenly she stops.

Cat: What´s wrong?

Kit doubles back and rushes back to Raul.

Kit (hugging him): thank you for everything.
Raul: you´re very welcome. Go on Kit. Go be happy.
Kit: Bye.

Kit runs back to where Francis is waiting for her.

Raul: I´ll see you sometime okay?
Kit: Okay…

Raul watches as Francis takes Kit inside the house with him.

Raul: Thank you Francis.

Inside the house

Jason is in the living room with Missy when Francis comes in.

Jason spots his cat and notices he´s not alone.

Jason: Francis? What did you do?
Cat: I didn´t do anything.
Missy: Francis! Amelia is going to be very disappointed if she finds out you got another girlfriend.

Cat: you breathe so much a word to her about this and I swear I´ll pee in your pillow.
Kit: maybe this wasn´t such a good idea.

Francis stops near Jason.

Jason: what is it Francis?

Francis looks at Kit.

Jason (cont.): who´s your friend?

He reaches down to touch Kit but she recoils, fearful.

Cat: it´s okay, he won´t hurt you.
Kit: promise?
Cat: yes.

She then nears Jason.

He picks her up and starts to pet her.

Jason: come here sweetheart.

She starts to purr, happy.

Francis smiles, happy for her.

Jason: Francis you know we can´t keep her.
Missy: what are you going to do then?
Jason: Remember I told you about Brian from work and how he´s been wanting to get a cat for his daughter?

Missy: yeah but, do you think it´s a good idea? I mean, we don´t know if this cat is nice or not.
Jason: yeah, we do.
Missy (confused): How?

Jason: because Francis is recommending her.
Missy: I guess you´re right.

Francis turns around and starts to walk away.

Cat (walking away): Good luck kid!
Kit: thanks for everything gramps!

Francis freezes in place, unable to take another step.

Cat: what did you just call me?

Jason and Missy leave the room, taking a laughing Kit with them.

Kit: Ha! Ha! Ha!

Cat : Gramps?

He turns back but the three of them are gone.

Cat (cont./utterly shocked): Gramps? What?

The end!

Cat (o.s.): Gramps?

2017_Joana Teixeira