Missy, Jason´s girlfriend, arrives at his house with Amelia´s carrier in hand.

Amelia, Francis´s girlfriend is inside, although one might assume a miniature bulldozer was.

Jason: Hey babe.
Missy: Hi.
Jason: I see you brought Amelia along. Not sure that was such a good idea though.

Missy: why not?
Jason: I brought my sister´s rabbit, Mr. Pebbles.

Missy (trying not to laugh): Mr. Pebbles?
Jason: yeah, it´s my niece´s.
Missy: I see. Don´t worry, Amelia won´t bite him or anything.

Jason: That´s not what I´m worried about.
Missy: Oh no?
Jason: No. Anyways, just set her there and we should go.
Missy: yeah.

Missy sets down Amelia´s carrier but her lack of “finesse” causes a very sleepy Amelia to wake up, incredibly grumpy.

Amelia (slurring/bitching): Hey! Watch it woman! I´m trying to slee…. (realizes where she is) what the freck are we doing here again?

Missy opens the door to the carrier upon hearing her bitching.

Missy: Oops, sorry kitty cat.
Amelia: sorry my butt.
Missy: go on. Go find your boyfriend.

Amelia (exiting the carrier): That stupid ball of fur is not my boyfriend. I just allow him to keep me company from time to time.

She then looks up at Jason and Missy and fids them ogling her, highly amused.

Amelia (cont.): what? Do I have something on my face or something?

Not getting and answer from the humans, she decides to wonder off.

She´s about to enter the kitchen when recognizes Francis´s voice.

Cat: Dude, we´re not even on the same planet, let alone…
Rafael (interrupting): well…

Cat: what?
Rafael: you kind of… how can I put this…

Rafael (rethinks): never mind, (to the rabbit) Bad bunny!

As she overhears Mr. Pebbles proclaiming his love for Francis, Amelia starts to get seriously angry.

Her eyes turn red and she enters the room.

Rafael shuts up as he notices the female cat.

Mr. Pebbles: what did I do?

Before Francis can answer, he shrieks as he feels a cold chill from “head to paws”.

Cat: oh dear God!
Raul: oh Boy…

Francis turns around and comes face to face with Amelia. He swallows in dry, fearful.

He knows he hasn´t done anything wrong, not that he remembers, anyways.

Cat: hi Hon….
Amelia (cutting him off): who the hell is this?
Cat: who?

Amelia nods towards the rabbit, but before he can answer…

Mr. Pebbles: I´m Francis´s fiancée.
Cat (panicking): what? Oh hell no! (turns to Amelia) Honey, please ignore him, he´s crazy.

Amelia: of course he´s crazy. You´re mine.
Mr. Pebbles: oh please. Look at you. Everything about you screams desperate.

Francis looks from one to the other, expecting all hell to break loose.

Amelia starts to laugh hysterically.

Cat (steps in between the two): Honey, don´t listen to him.
Amelia: move!

Amelia shoves Francis to the side clearing her path to the deranged rabbit.

Cat: yes, dear.
Amelia: Listen up, fur ball, Francis is mine! Go look for some other idiot “smuck” to snuggle up with.

Mr. Pebbles: what if I don´t want to?
Amelia: want what?
Mr. Pebbles: another “smuck”.

Amelia: how´s that my problem?
Mr. Pebbles: do you always answer a question with another question?
Amelia: I don´t know, do I?

Cat: Amelia, dear?
Amelia: Pipe it Francis! This is between me and rabbit wrecked.

Mr. Pebbles: technically, it was between me and the handsome feline over there. You decided to but in.

Amelia: handsome feline? Are you nuts?
Mr. Pebbles: No, I´m a rabbit. And I´m allergic to nuts.
Amelia: Not what I… Oh God! (turns to Francis) who´s this idiot?

Mr. Pebbles: I am…
Amelia (death glare): was I talking to you?

Cat: Jason brought him home. It´s his niece´s pet or something, somewhere. Bottom line, Jason´s to blame for his presence.

Amelia nears the rabbit.

Mr. Pebbles stumbles back, fearful.

Amelia: Francis is mine! You need to go find your own idiot to torture.
Mr. Pebbles: what if I don´t want to?
Amelia (auto-response): Then you die.

Cat: Honey, he´s just joking. Aren´t you?  Huh Mr. Pebbles?
Mr. Pebbles: My love for you is no joke.
Rafael: seriously dude? He´s trying to help you.

Mr. Pebbles: I appreciate the thought, I do. But, if I have to die for my love, then so be it.
Rafael: yes, well, if that´s what you want, then it was nice meeting you.
Cat: what?

Rafael: what? Dude´s about to be killed, what do you want me to say? Nice to see you go? I´m not that insensitive.

Looks at Raul, who rolls his eyes.

Rafael (cont.): what?
Raul: you never know when to shut up, do you?
Rafael: what did I say?

Raul nears the rabbit.

Raul: look…
Mr. Pebbles:  Mr. Pebbles…
Raul: yes, Mr. Pebbles. Francis is a cat and even though I can understand one can sometimes doubt his preferences, from time to time…

Cat: hey!

Amelia smacks him.

Amelia: shut up and let the rat speak!
Raul (to Amelia): Thank you. (resumes his speech to the rabbit) He likes his girlfriend very much.

All eyes fall on Francis, who´s rubbing his head due to being hit.

Cat (clueless): what?

Rafael nods in the rabbit´s direction, implying for him to say something nice.

Cat (clueless): yes, I´m sorry, but I´m taken.
Mr. Pebbles: well, if that ever changes, or she dies, give me a call, okay?

Mr. Pebbles blows Francis a kiss, flirting, before hopping away.

Amelia (getting angry again): you´re the one who´s about to die!
Mr. Pebbles: tootles!

Francis holds on to Amelia so she won´t follow and kill the rabbit.

Cat: Honey?
Amelia: what?
Cat: I love you.
Amelia (smacks him again): shut up!

Cat (complaining): ouch! What did I do?
Amelia: this is your own fault!

Cat: what did I do?
Amelia: it´s because you´re always this…
Cat: fantastic?
Amelia: no.

Cat: amazing?
Amelia: No! Androgynous.

Cat (sys in despair): How many times do I have to say this?
Amelia: say what?
Cat: I´m not an alien!

Amelia is left dumbstruck by his response. She turns her back to him and starts to walk away, without uttering a word.

Cat: what?

She sys, loudly, highly annoyed.

Francis turns to Rafael and Raul, both astonished by Francis´s cluelessness.

Cat: what did I say?
Raul: I have to go.

Raul starts to walk away and Rafael follows closely behind.

Rafael: You´re on your own. Bye.
Cat: guys? Come on!

Rafael and Raul leave the house and Amelia disappears, leaving Francis alone.

Cat (cont.): It´s not my fault I´m this awesome and amazing cat.

He starts to walk towards the kitchen.

A few seconds later he stops and turns back.

Cat (cont.): but I´m not an alien!
Amelia (from the other room): SHUT UP!

Francis is left frozen in place, utterly clueless, as per usual.

The end!

2017_Joana Teixeira