Francis, the cat, is in his kitchen, facing the wall.

The Pen comes along. As soon as “it” spots Francis, a deviant smile comes over “its” lips.

Pen (trying to scare Francis/yelling): HELLO FRANCIS!
Cat (doesn´t look at it): Go away. I´m not in the mood to deal with you right now.

Pen: you´re never in the mood. I´m starting to think you might be cheating on me.
Cat (dumbstruck): what?

Francis looks at the Pen.

When Francis turns to face it, the Pen spots the huge black eye the cat has on.

The Pen “raises its eyebrows” in astonishment.

Pen: what the hell happened to you?
Cat (dodges the question and resumes eying the wall): Nothing…

Pen: I´m serious Francis, what happened?
Cat: I told you, it was nothing.
Pen: did you get into a fight?

Cat: no…
Pen: Ran into a wall? (whispering) it wouldn´t be the first time…
Cat: No! Shut up!
Pen: Then just tell me! How did you get that black eye?

Cat: I´m not going to tell you!
Pen:  why not?
Cat: because you´ll just mock me, as per usual.

The Pen starts to grin, deviously.

Pen: No!
Cat: what?
Pen: Don´t tell me.
Cat: I´m not planning on it.

Pen: Kitty!
Cat: stupid stick, are you high, by any chance?
Pen (ignoring the question): you got hit in the eye while opening a bottle of magic milk, didn´t you?

Cat (upset): No!
Pen (confused): Then how did you get a black eye?
Cat: You´re not going to leave me alone until I tell you, are you?
Pen: No.

Cat (sys in annoyance): Okay, I´ll tell you. But you have to promise not to mock me for it.
Pen: cross my heart.
Cat: You don´t have a heart, you´re a stick!
Pen: and you are one rude cat! Here I am, worried about you and this is how you react?

Francis ogles the Pen.

Pen: Huh! Fine! Yes, I promise.
Cat: It was Amelia.
Pen: Pussycat, what did you do?

Cat: what makes you think I did anything?
Pen: You have a shiny black eye, you definitely did something.
Cat: It wasn´t my fault.

Pen: Oh I bet it was.
Cat: you´re impossible. I can´t talk to you like this.
Pen: I´m sorry, carry on.

Cat: I heard her screaming…
Pen: … yes?
Cat: so I rushed to her aid.
Pen: what do you mean? Where was she?

Cat: In the bathroom, with Missy.
Pen: so what?

Cat: apparently, Missy was giving her a bath and as I entered the room she started screaming at me and then she punched me!

Pen: I don´t get it.
Cat: what don´t you get?
Pen: why did she punch you?
Cat: ´cause she´s psycho!

Pen: yeah, there´s that. But, it´s not like you walked in on her naked. I mean, she´s a cat, she´s always naked.

Cat (mumbling): she did look like the creature from the black lagoon.
Pen (rolls “its” eyes): Let me guess, you told her that.
Cat (looking to the side): of course not!

Pen: stupid cat, that explains the punch.
Cat: I was joking!
Pen: So was she, when she “playfully” punched you.

Cat (rethinks): yeah, that might have been it.
Pen: yeah!

Pen looks to the sides to make sure there´s no one around.

Pen (cont.): Kitty?
Cat: what?
Pen: please tell me there are pictures.
Cat (grinning): I wish. Sorry, no.

Francis looks at the Pen and finds it frozen still, in fear.

Cat: what´s the matter with you?
Pen: I have to go. Bye!
Cat: what the hell´s the matter with you?

The Pen disappears.

Francis feels a cold chill from head to paws.

Cat: Ah crap! I´m so dead!
Amelia: The creature from the black lagoon?
Cat (trying to dodge imminent death): No! The Princess of the Black Lagoon.

Amelia punches him again in the other eye.

Cat (screaming): Ouch!
Amelia: There! Now you look like the lazy ass Panda, with two black eyes!
Cat: but honey…

Amelia gives him a death glare.

Cat: I love you…
Amelia: shut up!

Amelia exits the room and leaves Francis behind, in pain, with two black eyes.

Cat (bitching) Ouch!!!

The end!

2017_Joana Teixeira