Francis, the cat, finds his front door open, and for some unknown reason he decides to venture outside.

He doubles back.

Cat: I shouldn´t… but then again…

As he is only used to using his back door and strolling into his backyard, this is somewhat unfamiliar territory.

He walks slowly past his front step, until he reaches the front gate.

As his front yard faces the street, cars go back and forth and a huge truck goes by, as it honks, loudly, Francis runs back inside, scared.

Cat (screaming): Oh Hell no!

As he enters his house, out of breath, for having run for 5 seconds, he gasps for air.

The Pen comes along.

Pen: hey useless cat.

Francis is unresponsive.

Pen: Are you okay?
Cat (still breathless): what? Yeah, sure…
Pen: Big bad world outside?

Cat: What?
Pen: you´re a chicken.
Cat: I´m a cat!

Pen (mocking/imitating a chicken): Boah, Boah.
Cat: shut up!
Pen: what´s the matter with you?

Cat: what´s the matter with what?
Pen: you´re afraid of the outside world.
Cat: No I´m not!

Pen: then why not go outside? Catch some sun, chat with the birds, since you´re so useless, you befriend them instead of eating them.

Cat: You´re desperate for me to get run over by a car aren´t you?
Pen (grinning): Yes.
Cat: Pen from hell!
Pen: chicken cat.

Cat (offended): I´m not a chicken!
Pen: just useless.

Cat: don´t you have something better to do than haunt me?
Pen: No.
Cat: It´s been a while, aren´t you tired of doing the same thing over and over?
Pen: Like what?

Cat: annoy the heck out of me.
Pen: Don´t worry Francis, I can never get annoyed mocking you.
Cat: I must´ve chewed a lot of pens in a previous life.

Pen: what?
Cat (bitching): I’m being punished.
Pen (changing the subject): Anyways, um… Francis?
Cat: what?

Pen: I need a favor…
Cat: How´s that my problem?
Pen: I need YOU to do ME a favor.

Cat: No.
Pen: Please.

Cat: Knowing you like I do, It´ll be something that will either get me killed and, or highly humiliated.

Pen (offended): How could you possibly think I´d want to see you dead?
Cat: humiliated it is then.
Pen: does that mean you´ll do it?
Cat: No.

Pen (mocking): Boah! Boah!
Cat: shut up!
Pen: Chicken cat.

Francis nears the Pen.

The Pen recoils, somewhat fearful.

Cat: I´m not a coward.
Pen: I really need this favor.

Cat: I´ll tell you what, you tell me what it is that you need and then I´ll decide whether I´ll do it or not. Okay?

Pen: No.
Cat: what? Why not?
Pen: Because…

Cat: You know that even if I say yes beforehand, I can always say no afterwards, right?
Pen (pretending shock): You´d go back on your word?

Cat: what word? I haven´t said anything.
Pen: you really can´t be trusted.

Cat: I can´t be trusted? You´re desperate to have me walk to my certain death and I´m the one who´s unreliable?

Pen: I would never do that to you.
Cat: Oh no?
Pen: No.

Cat: why´s that?
Pen: I´d lose my main source of entertainment.
Cat (angry): why you…

Looks at the Pen only to find it looking the other way.

Cat: hey!
Pen: Oh sorry, are you done?
Cat: done with what?

Pen: Bitching!
Cat: I wasn´t… Ahg! You drive me crazy. I hate…
Pen (interrupting) love you too stink ass!

Before Francis can respond, the Pen blows him a kiss and vanishes.

Cat (yelling): stupid Pen get back here!

Nothing. The Pen is gone.

Cat: One of these days…

The end.

2017_Joana Teixeira