Francis, the cat, enters his house through the backdoor.

As he walks by the kitchen, he spots the Pen in the living room.

A huge grin immediately grows on his face.

The Pen is staring into space, even if clearly on edge.

Cat: Hey there stick!
Pen: Fur ball…

Francis nears the Pen, deviant thoughts crowding his mind.

Cat (smiling): where´s your girlfriend? Or is it boyfriend? Seriously, I´m very open minded. I don´t judge.

Pen: You were dropped on your head as a baby weren´t you?
Cat: Not that I´m aware.
Pen: You wouldn´t be.

Cat: So… where is it?
Pen: hell!
Cat: Oh I see. Went to visit your family and ask for their blessing?
Pen: Blessing for what?

Cat: to marry you.
Pen: You´re hilarious.
Cat: I know, right?
Pen: No!

Cat: You didn´t need to answer that. It was a rhetorical question. Now seriously, where did it go?

Pen: Nowhere.
Cat: Pen?
Pen: If you really want to know, it’s dead.

Cat (dramatizing): MURDERER!
Pen: shut up!
Cat (laughing hysterically): Ha! Ha! Ha!

Pen: yeah, yeah. Keep laughing. You know payback´s a bitch, right?
Cat: Oh, oh! Is she your cousin?
Pen: shut up fur ball.

Cat: Wow! This is fun.
Pen: what is?
Cat: mocking you.
Pen: you are one demented cat.

Francis starts to grin uncontrollably despite the Pen´s insults.

Pen (cont.): stop smiling, you idiot!

Francis lies down and puts his head on his paw. He ogles the Pen, highly entertained.

Pen (cont.): stop… (looks down defeated). It´s behind me isn´t it?

Looks at Francis, who happily nods.

Pen: Ah balls!
Master Pen: I´m back my love.
Pen: I´m screwed.

Cat: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Pen (yelling): stop laughing!
Cat: Can I be the godfather?
Pen: The what?

Cat: Godfather.
Pen: To whom?
Cat: Your offspring.

Pen: there aren´t any offspring.
Cat: The production line started and ended with you, didn´t it?
Pen: fur ball, please shut up.

Master Pen: Darling?
Pen: what?
Master Pen: I love you.

The Pen looks at Francis, mad like crazy.

Francis smiles and blows it a kiss. After, drops to the floor, laughing hysterically.

Master Pen: My darling…
Pen: What?
Master Pen: Did you miss me?
Pen: why would I miss you?

Master Pen: Because I´m your partner!
Pen: No, you´re not.
Master Pen: My love…
Pen: don´t my love me! I´m not your partner! Go away!

The Pen “runs” off.

Master Pen: something I said?
Cat: No. Maybe it´s that time of the month.
Master Pen: I see.

Cat: well, Master Pen I have to say it has been a pleasure.
Master Pen: I have to say feline, it has been a pleasure as well.
Cat: yes, yes. What´s a feline?

Master Pen (dumbstruck): are you serious?
Cat: what?

Master Pen: Oh for heaven´s sake…

Master Pen “glides away”.

Cat: what did I say?

Looks to the sides. Both Pens are gone.

Cat (cont.): Hello?

Francis sys.

Cat: what the heck is a feline?

Francis, the cat, is left staring into air,  awaiting an answer.

The end!

2017_Joana Teixeira.