Francis, the cat, enters his house through the back door.

As soon as he steps inside her overhears two voices having a heated argument.

One of the voices he recognizes as belonging to the ever obnoxious Pen, the other is unfamiliar.

Still, he tries to ignore them as he is incredibly thirsty.

He goes for his water bowl and drinks feverously.

Cat: Ah… now that´s just what I needed!

Francis´s ears go up in the air as the argument happening in the other room becomes louder.

The cat wonders just who it might be that´s having the displeasure of arguing with the Pen.

Francis follows the noise and peaks from the door into the room.

He´s surprised by what he finds.

The Pen, his nemesis, or as Francis likes to refer to it, “pain in the butt Pen”, is “face to face” with another Pen.

A blue chromed Pen.

Pen: I told you to leave!
(b) Pen: I´ve told you before; I cannot leave until I´ve found my companion.
Pen: And I´m telling you, you´re not going to find your companion here, in this house.

(b)Pen: That´s absurd! I´ve been brought here, I must leave only with my companion.
Pen: Oh for heaven´s sake…

The Pen stops ranting when it “senses” something watching “it”

Francis is splattered on the floor, head resting on his paw, huge grin on his face, enjoying the show.

Pen (to Francis): what do you want?
Cat: A million dollars!
Pen: what in the world would you do with a million dollars?

Cat: A lot of things! First…
Pen (interrupting): First, if I were you, I´d get a really good shrink!
Cat (confused): a what now?
Pen (shaking its head): nothing…

The Pen just stares at Francis who seems to be highly entertained.

Pen (cont.): don´t you have something better to do?
Cat (smiling): and miss the show? No way!
Pen: what show? This isn’t a show you idiot!
Cat (ignoring the insult): who´s your friend?

Pen: this “thing” is not my friend!
Cat (ignoring the Pen): Hi! I´m Francis! And you are?

(b)Pen: I am Master Pen; it is my utmost pleasure to meet you Mr. Francis!
Pen: Oh for heaven´s sake!
Cat: Master Pen?

(b)Pen: yes…
Cat: I have to say that it is a pleasure to meet you as well.
(b)Pen: thank you. Tell me feline, do you inhabit this house?
Cat: do I what?

Pen (seriously pissed): do you live here? Yes! He lives here! He´s a cat, in this house. He lives here!

Francis raises his eyebrows; he has never seen the Pen this disturbed before.

(b)Pen: Do you think you could help me?
Pen (interrupting): No! He can´t!
Cat (shoves the Pen aside): sure, what do you need?

Pen: Francis!
Cat: what?
Pen: why are you trying to help this creature?
Cat: It´s a Pen.

Pen: I’m a Pen!
Cat (grinning): are you jealous?
Pen: What? No!
Cat: then shut up for a second, will you.

The Pen is about to bitch, but remains silent.

Cat: tell me, Master Pen what exactly can I help you with?
(b)Pen: well, it seems I am a bit lost.
Cat: Lost?

(b)Pen: yes, I have no memory as to how I ended up here, in this house. Therefore I don´t know how to get home.

Pen: Can I make a suggestion.
(b)Pen: But of course.
Pen: Go outside into the road and just stand there until a car runs you over.

Francis rolls his eyes.

Cat: Please ignore this wacked pen!
(b)Pen: wacked?
Cat: yes, wacked! Crazy, obnoxious, hellish pen!

(b)Pen: Oh my! I don´t think I´ve ever had the pleasure of meeting a Pen from Hell.
Cat (turns to the Pen): Is he/she/it, whatever, serious?

Pen (pissed): told you to get rid of it!
Cat (turns back to “Master” Pen): well, Pen, what exactly do you remember?
(b)Pen: I was brought here.

Cat: by whom?
(b)Pen: a man.
Cat: Jason?

(b)Pen: I apologize, but I am unaware of the man´s name.
Cat: it could only have been Jason. I mean, he owns this house, so…
(b)Pen: Maybe. I have to say, I’m unaware as to why he brought me here.

Francis watches as the Pen panics and smiles.

Cat: Oh I think I know why Jason brought you here!
Both Pens: You do?
Cat: yes.
Pen: well, spit it out!

Cat: You see, Jason has a girlfriend, Missy.
Pen: yeah, so?
Cat: I have Amelia…
(b)Pen: I don´t think I understand your reasoning.

Pen: Francis! Don´t you dare!
Cat: Pen, I think Jason wanted you to have a girlfriend or is it a boyfriend?
Pen: Francis, please shut up.
Cat (ignoring the Pen): Either way, congratulations! Please don´t name any babies after me.

Francis turns his back to the Pens and starts to walk away.

Pen: Hey! Fur ball! Get back here!

The Pen “senses” something.

The (b)Pen has gotten seriously close to it.

Pen: what the hell do you think you´re doing?
(b)Pen: getting to know my fiancée.
Pen: touch me and I´ll drain you of all of your ink!

(b)Pen: Oh baby, you´re so mean! I love it!
Pen: ah balls!

Cat (from afar): Ha! Ha! Ha!
Pen (highly irritated): yeah! Yeah! Keep laughing!

Suddenly…

Pen: Hey!
(b)Pen: kiss me.
Pen: touch me again, and I´ll end you!

(b)Pen: I love it when you talk like that.
Pen: HELP!

The end!

Cat: Ha! Ha! Ha!

2017_Joana Teixeira