Francis, the cat, enters his house through the back door, a bit wobbly.

Pen:  What in hell…
Cat (yelling): Happy New Year!
Pen: wrecked cat, it’s already the third.

Cat: The third what?
Pen: Day of the year!
Cat: No its not.

Pen: yes it is.
Cat: You´re lying!
Pen: I´m really not.

Cat: But… Its New Year’s…
Pen: That was two days ago.
Cat: No.
Pen: yes. Like I said it’s already the third.

Cat: The third what?
Pen: Day of the year. January.
Cat: No, really?

Pen: yes, really.
Cat: what year?
Pen: What exactly did you drink?

Cat (smiling): Oh just a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Francis feels sick for a moment and is about to throw up.

The Pen backs away fearfully.

Francis burps, loudly.

Cat: wow. Okay, false alarm. I´m good.

The cat tries to walk, but two steps in trips on his own paws and falls on his face.

Cat: Ouch! That hurt…

Pen: Crazy cat, what in the world did you drink this time? You can´t even walk two steps without falling on your face. Your magic milk never had this effect on you before.

Cat (yelling): It´s the New Year! (lower) I had some tasty bubbly. It was yummy.

Francis opens his eyes wide.

Cat (cont.): Hey I rimmed!
Pen (rolls its eyes): You´re seriously damaged!

Cat: Pen!
Pen: what?
Cat:  Let’s dance!

Pen:  You´re crazy.
Cat (sad eyes, pouting): why won´t you dance with me?
Pen:  you need to sleep it off.
Cat: sleep what of?

Pen:  you´re crazy.
Cat: hey, I´m happy!
Pen: A little too happy.

Cat: It’s the New Year! Let’s party!
Pen: I think you´ve partied enough to last you the whole year.
Cat: Pen, let’s dance.
Pen: You like falling on your face don´t you?

Cat: You´re such a party pooper!
Pen: Francis, when was the last time you slept?

Francis nears the pen, who eyes him suspiciously.

Cat: To be honest, I have no idea.
Pen (sys): Francis, you need to sleep. It’s not even funny to mock you like this.

Francis is looking away distracted.

Pen (mad): Hey!

Francis looks back at the Pen.

Cat: Oh, sorry. Did you say something?
Pen: Listen up fur ball, ugh! Who am I kidding? No point in arguing with you… Go on, get some sleep.
Cat: No!
Pen: I´m giving you a truce. Get some sleep.

Cat: I don´t want to sleep!
Pen: why not?
Cat: well, because the night is young!
Pen: Its noon.

Cat: what?
Pen: yeah.
Cat: No.
Pen: yes.

Cat: Seriously?
Pen (getting angry): yes!

Cat: Oh well…

Francis´s eyes turn upwards and he feels nauseous again.

Cat: ah oh…!

The pen backs away, again.

Francis looks like he´s about to throw up but ends up burping instead, loudly.

Cat: BURP…
Pen: Pig!
Cat: I´m a cat!
Pen: where are your manners?

Cat: which part of “I´m a cat”, don´t you get?

Pen turns away, leaving Francis behind.

Pen: I´m aware that you´re a crazy, drunken ball of fur, but you´ve managed to…

Turns back to find Francis splashed on the floor sleeping and snoring.

Pen: you little… Ugh! (sys, defeated) Happy New Year stupid fur ball!
Cat (slurring): Happy… new… year… stupid stick…

The end!

2017_Joana Teixeira.

Happy New Year!