Historically, it was always the same.  The pensive search. Eyes darting around the scene.  The excited squeal. An exaltation of success.  The grubby index finger smudging my general vicinity. Target acquired. I, Waldo, had been found.  Such has been my life for centuries throughout my travels. Travels that make Rick Steves look agoraphobic.  

But, what little shred of privacy I can still cling to is slipping through my fingers, the fingers not gripping the wooden curly cane.  Increasingly, law enforcement around the world have been deploying widespread use of advanced Facial Recognition Technology.  The global market for facial recognition technology is expected to reach USD 8.5 billion by 2025. 

But I, Waldo, have serious concerns about what this Orwellian police state means for individual liberty.  People are always looking for me, and it’s now easier than ever thanks to internet sleuths and this largely unregulated, unproven technology.  Frankly, as a recognizable jet setter, I’m worried someone with dark glasses, a red striped shirt, and an elfish cane will commit some actual crime and I will be given the blame as a likely match in some criminal justice database.

As you may know, back in 2021 it was reported that 42 federal agencies use facial recognition technology in the United States.  Keep in mind, the technology has shown to be less reliable for darker-skinned individuals so it’s not hard to see how the technology can be misapplied and abused.  

I’m a bit of a traveler and this powerful tool can make discretion and anonymity an ancient historical relic.  Just imagine the dystopian nightmare these new high-tech cameras will unleash based on these typical travel situations we have all experienced.

You’re strolling along a busy city thoroughfare.  Across the street, a man in red swim trunks and green flippers snorkels atop a fountain.  A block away, a stone statue of an archer has just arrowed flat the front tire of a blue car.  And facial recognition technology captures it all as the cameras populate the area.

Underdressed you plod through the snow at the bottom of a ski run. To your right, a man’s yellow hat flutters off his head as he ski jumps on a snow ramp ending atop a red-roofed building.  Across a thin ice pond, a man has left his silhouette on the side of the building he just skied through.  A guy is skiing behind a motorboat sending skiers ducking for safety.  Meanwhile, Big Brother is watching the entire spectacle.

Of course, airports have always been a site of enhanced security measures.  The liquid limits through security, removing our shoes, the body scanners.  Always behind someone in the TSA line who has not flown in the last two decades and is accordingly overwhelmed by each rule.

So maybe like me, you were casually hiking the tarmac of an airport behind a leaky fuel truck as a horde of medieval knights stood guard perched upon a parapet directly above air traffic control.  You’re just trying to get a better look at the elephants boarding a red-and-white plane as the sky is a panoply of balloons, jets, rockets, UFOs, and a literal wind sock.  Given all the other safety measures in place in the $11 billion TSA budget, do we really need to add facial recognition to this scene?

Why, just recently I was in ancient Egypt with an armful of books as the Sphynx lapped up a saucer of milk.  Slaves were building the pyramids while their children went sledding down the side of completed ones.  Meanwhile, facial recognition technology is on the rise in Egypt with a CAGR of 13.5% through 2030.

Who among us hasn’t enjoyed a dinner party at a haunted castle mingling among the crowd of vampires, werewolves, witches, and mummies?  Can we really trust that facial recognition technology is going to prove useful and be able to accurately distinguish among the guests present?

As the most hunted man in the world, I can’t help but feel we are treading on dangerous ground here.  Too many people are willing to trade away individual rights to privacy in exchange for the illusion of safety.  The New Orleans police department made 0 arrests from facial recognition technology in nine months after spending millions developing the program.

Everyone on this planet should be free to explore Viking raids in the first millennium, Samurai wars in the 16th century, or the California gold rush without the fear of spyware compiling a digital database to be used by unseen government actors.  So where’s Waldo? None of the government’s business that’s where.

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