Height

Mile Time

Mustache Length (For Men)

I.Q. (For Women)

Quality (and Accuracy) of Tom Selleck Impression

Credit Score

Rice Purity Score

Papal Energy (from 1 – 100)

SBD (Squat, Bench, Deadlift)

Stupidity of Name (from 1 – Millard Fillmore)

Association With Know Nothing Party (the less, the better)

Role in Passing Fugitive Slave Law of 1850 (the less, the better)

Number of Teeth

Number of Facetious Remarks in Application Essay

Ruthlessness (from 1 – Tonya Harding)

Spice Tolerance (does this count as affirmative action?)

Class (Style)

Class (Socioeconomic)

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