PRESIDENT BIDEN FALLS ASLEEP DURING PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE

A spokesperson from the White House has confirmed a persistent rumor that US President Biden did indeed fall asleep during a debate between candidates in connection with the 2022 Philippine presidential election. The White House cites the 15-hour time difference between the US Capital and Manila as the main reason, saying, “The President has told us he had coincidentally woken up around the time the debate was about to commence, but it being 4.30 A.M. on a Sunday, he decided to go back to sleep.”

HARRY AND MEGHAN IN A CAR ACCIDENT

Wrong Turn for Harry and Meghan: Upon their return from the UK, the couple accidentally took a wrong exit, causing them to miss the Centura Freeway while driving from LAX to their Montecito home. Meghan – or The Duchess of Sussex, as we would call her as a matter of form, but in this age of aerosol awareness, we will refrain from further use of a title containing such an excessive number of S-sounds – was reportedly very upset. Though not their first wrong turn, the harrowing experiences of a family event in London was still upon the couple as they found themselves in unknown streets of L.A., fearing they were headed for Skid Row.   

MAN FROM WISCONSIN DIES AFTER EATING BURRITO AT CHIPOTLE

“It would be the first and only time he tried Mexican food,” said his youngest son, Eugene Milford, speaking to the crowd at a packed Yellowrose Chapel. “My dear father,” remembers Mr. Milford in his moving eulogy, “was always very obstinate when it came to exotic food. Everyone who knew him was in disbelief when we told them how we managed to convince him to try a Burrito from our local Chipotle, but try it he did! Although the burrito was not spicy at all, as we requested – in fact, I will go as far as to say that it was decidedly bland – my father coughed and spat and made a spectacle the guests at Chipotle will not soon forget, although it was more than eight years ago,” said Mr. Milford, bringing out chuckles from the audience before concluding: “He talked about that burrito all the time, and I always knew he would continue to talk about it if he lived to be a hundred years old. Alas, he only made it to ninety-eight and three-quarters when he quietly passed away in his sleep. But it was a funny memory to us all.” Myron Milford, retired horsemonger, leaves behind four surviving children and fifty-six grand and great-grandchildren.

CHINA CRUSHED AT UN SECURITY COUNCIL ASSEMBLY

Three of the permanent members of the UN Security Council dramatically and abruptly distanced themselves from each other during a recent conference. It happened when a US representative, who is notorious for big arm movements during conversations, knocked the tea tray out of the hands of an unfortunate servant. As the cups of scalding tea went up into the air, the US representative and the representatives on their immediate left and right side, sprang from the table and barely missed being hit by the expensive china smashing into a thousand pieces on the conference room floor.

THE KING OF SPAIN SENDS INNOCENT MAN TO HOPITAL AFTER SUDDEN VIOLENT OUTBURST

The King of Spain disgraced himself beyond repair when, in an apparently unmotivated outburst, he kicked an innocent bystander. The incident took place during the 148^th Kentucky Derby. The King of Spain was immediately disqualified from the race, which was won by another thoroughbred racehorse, called A Grain of Salt.

MADONNA SHOWS OFF THE MAN IN HER LIFE: THE AGE DIFFERENCE WILL SURPRISE YOU

Madonna shocked her fans when she recently took to Instagram and posted a picture of herself with a man not twenty-five years younger but, on the contrary, more than twenty-five years her senior. “Happy Birthday to the One and Only,” said the caption beneath the photo of the singer with her father, Silvio Ciccone.   

EXPOSED: FAMOUS RAPPER CAUGHT WEARING MAKEUP AND A WOMAN’S SKIRT – EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS INSIDE!

Boldly and unapologetically wearing bright red lipstick, Cleopatra mascara, and five-inch heels, the Famous Rapper posed for photos on the red carpet at the MTV Awards and explained the bizarre choice of costume: “Rap is no longer an exclusively masculine sphere. I’m here to bring glam to the jam,” said Nicki Minaj.

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