Who are they? Jordan Clarke participated in series seven of Britain’s Got Talent as part of the band Luminites, reaching the semi-final; and later played with short-lived pop party Chasing Midnight. He’s been meeting music solo because they are split.

Maid are a newly-formed girl group consisting of the ornately-named Miracle Chance, Kat Kleve and Blythe Jandoo. They met at drama school and have placed recognitions including Starlight Express, The Wizard of Oz and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Blythe will likewise appear in Guy Ritchie’s live-action remake of Aladdin eventually this year.

What about the lyric? Freaks picks up on the dad trend of celebrating people’s gaps – with the twist that the poetics are altogether bananas. “I don’t see the difference between me, you, your, tu or moi, vous, ” it studies, obliterating all the grammar tasks we were teaching in French class.

How do the two forms differ? Jordan throws Freaks a pop twist with sprightly piano chords and a chugging trounce that recollects Take That’s Shine. Your mum will like it.

Maid describe their account as “ethereal and dark” – and they deliver some superb harmonies. But the arrangement is too intricate for a Eurovision audience who opt their carols to come with clucking chickens .~ ATAGEND

Who wrote it? This one has a good pedigree: Rick Parkhouse and George Tizzard have written and made carols for Take That, Cheryl, James Arthur, 5 Seconds of Summer and( this is not a joke) Green Day.

Key lyric: It’s a toss-up between “I’ve been locked in a cupboard, I was picked last at soccer” and “We could all be followers, and we’ll write our own bibles”.

The verdict: Deux points