Picture this: it’s Friday night and you’re ready to cut loose after a long, hard week. A few of your friends are going to a Party down the road, and they invite you to tag along. You go home, get yourself looking presentable, and head out. But when you arrive, you find yourself gazing in open-mouthed horror at a scene of utter chaos.
The acrid stench of unattended vomit stings your eyes as you step gingerly over a pile of broken glass. Somewhere in between leaning in a pile of stale beer and watching a shitfaced couple go at it like it’s the end times, you ask yourself: “Are we not men?
Have we not laws that separate us from the lower animals?” Well, fret no more! Here at Private Island Party, we have taken it upon ourselves to tame the forbidding wilderness of the party scene. That’s why we’ve put our best heads together to assemble the definitive guide to common party fouls and their appropriate penalties.
The Book of the Party Animal: A Champion’s Guide to Party Skills, Party Fouls, Pranks, and Mayhem
#1 Spills
PARTY FOUL: Someone spills a drink on the rug
Punishment: They have to suck it out of the carpet
#2 Breaks
PARTY FOUL: Someone breaks a glass
Punishment: Confiscate their shoes
#3 Vomit
PARTY FOUL: Someone throws up outside the bathroom
They have to wear a bib and sit in the corner
#4 Music Disruption
PARTY FOUL: Someone changes the music mid-song
Punishment: They have to finish the song… on the kazoo
#5 Booze
PARTY FOUL: Someone doesn’t bring alcohol
Punishment: “Oh cool, you can DD”
#6 Distracted
PARTY FOUL: Someone’s on the phone/texting the whole time
Punishment: Host gets to text from their phone
#7 Theme Party Violations
PARTY FOUL: Someone didn’t honor the theme
Punishment: Host gets to dress them up
#8 Alcohol Waste
PARTY FOUL: Cracking a new brew before the old one’s finished
Punishment: Must collect and drink every nasty, warm, half-finished beer in the place
#9 Rudeness
PARTY FOUL: Cutting the keg line
Punishment: You’ve gotta fill up everyone you cut before drinking
#10 Public Intimacy
PARTY FOUL: Excessive PDA
Punishment: Duct tape their heads together
And there you have it, folks! With a few simple rules in place, your parties are bound to come off without a hitch. Want to add a little extra ‘oomph’ to your calls? Then check out Private Island’s exclusive new Party Foul Flag!
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