The sky is falling and the world has descended into madness. Some people were caught off guard by this tragic turn of events, but not End Times Ernie. He’s been waiting for this moment for years. Ernie tried to warn people that their sinful ways would be a catalyst for global destruction, but no one would listen. No siree, all they wanted to do was listen to their rock and roll music and be tolerant of hedonism. Well, look where that got us: Armageddon, that’s where!
End Times Ernie is a man without a flock. He never married or started a family, choosing instead to devote his life to spreading the gospel of Lord Cluck Cluck, a giant chicken whose reign over Earth was prophesied by the ancient Mayans. Now that his feathered overlord has risen, Ernie just needs to wait out the rapture, and things will be better than ever! To weather the storm, End Times Ernie has outfitted himself with protective gear and taken shelter far away from the chaos of any crowded metropolis.
While most people are scrambling to save their lives and their material possessions, End Times Ernie is cool as a cucumber. “Let the fools run around,” Ernie says as he sits on a hill doing his Cluck Salutations. The others could have joined him, had they heeded his warnings that Lord Cluck Cluck would show no mercy to those who lived their lives in sin. Now he must be patient as he ignores the screams and sirens. Soon will come the reckoning!
Initially, End Times Ernie had expected to spend the rapture in solitude, but his plans may be disrupted. Coming up the hill there is a figure silhouetted against the smoke-filled sky, with a wide-brimmed umbrella hat much like his own. As this surprising guest sets down next to Ernie, he sees that it is a buxom young woman wearing goggles that do nothing to hide her big brown eyes. “You’re the guy from the KFC parking lot,” she says, the words muffled slightly by her surgical face mask. “I always thought you were crazy, with all that talk about the end of the world and the giant chicken shooting flames from the sky. But now I see you were right all along! My name is Ethel.” The two survivors shake hands and it appears End Times Ernie may not be so alone after all.
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