So Trump won. To the surprise of a lot of a LOT of people. People might call this an upset victory, an underdog overcoming the odds and shocking the world, kind of like a 2016 reboot of the Rocky series.

Yo Adrian, I grabbed that pussy.

In Hindustan, and probably everywhere else in the world, it's been explained away with a shrug and a "Stupid Americans" comment. Which also makes us feel a little proud of ourselves, just like any casual condescension is bound to do. Fuck those other blogs by the way, only stupid people read that.

If we look back a little further than the American election, it isn't just the stupid Americans though. Brexit happened, and everyone lost their shit over the result. How could it happen? Who in their right minds would vote to leave? Arnab Goswani did a #RiseOfTheRight episode alluding to both these events, while the neighbourhood Facebook activist spoke about dawn of intolerance and fear. As much as I love to boil down complex sociopolitical narratives into an over-simplified allegory, that is exactly what I'm going to do here as well. Here's your allegory.

Douchey Swag?

School. More specifically, the cool kids in school. If I were to take a minute to talk about how cool I was in school, the terms "good-looking", "confident", "athletic", "intelligent", "talented" and "witty" do not come to mind. I was therefore not a part of the cool club, just an outsider who was bitter about them never even talking to them, and stuttering confusedly on the rare occasion that they did.

There was no valid response to "Your fly is open again, Stagg".

You always remember the cool gang from school, even if you weren't a part of it. They were larger than life, very much visible and very much heard. The 5 cool kids in my class of 46 decided everything- who the class monitor was going to be, who gets to bat in PE period, who gets to sit in the back row, where to host the farewell, where to go for the class trip.

A few deciding for the many has always been normal, that's how the world works, but somewhere along the way, the cool kids started deciding how we are supposed to feel- who is the one teacher we all love, who is ok to hate and bully, who has the seal of approval to be part of the cool gang, who has first dibs on asking out the prettiest girls in class.

That's the reason I'm single. Really.

There were people like yours truly who didn't agree with that, and rebelled against the system by furiously crying tears at night while hugging the pillow, and fantasizing scenarios about beating up the cool gang in front of the whole school to thundering applause, and then have the prettiest girl in class confess her secret crush on me, followed by the chemistry teacher dying from accidentally swallowing sulphuric acid for a perfect happy ending.

If wishes were horses, they'd kick everyone from my school in the skull

But I digress. While there were kids who never agreed with the cool gang, they, like me, were probably too self-conscious and too non-popular to speak up. Nobody was dumb enough to piss them off and invite unwanted attention. So the opinions and narratives of the cool gang became the opinions and narratives of the classroom and it became the opinions and narratives of the school. The majority of silent losers like myself just went along with it, because that's really the only narrative we're being sold, and it's easier to go along than take faltu ka panga.

Which brings us to present day- we've escaped school but we haven't escaped the cool gang. They are still part of our lives, deciding for us, telling us who is cool, telling us who to hate- they are the news anchors and and their newspapers, celebrities on talk shows, famous blogs and witty tweets. It's so easy to go along, co-opt their values, make fun of the things they make fun of, believe in their narrative, because it's the only narrative there is. Support Trump? Only an idiot would do that. Don't want immigrants? Must be xenophobic.

Disagree with me? Must be this guy.

Here's how it's different from school though- this time round, we weren't just going along, we completely believed the narrative. You never ever thought Trump had any support, or Brexit would happen, or that there exists an opinion different from the one you and your friends hold. And why didn't you? Because this time round, you are a part of the cool gang.

You, with your own witty tweets, and your increasing followers, and your likes and shares. You are now in the cool gang, and you are dictating the narrative because arrogantly, you can't fathom the existence of any other. It feels good to be a part of this gang, everyone seems to agree with you, you are in on it. And you forget about the quiet kids in class, the millions who rarely speak up, the millions not on social media, the millions without the luxuries of a city life, and you forget they have an opinion.

"Bhagwaan in chootiyon ka ek school shooting kara de."

Equating mainstream and social media to the sentiment of the people is like equating the cool gang to the rest of the school- only the cool gang would be self-centered enough to make either assumption in the first place. Here's a relevant song for you.