upbraid (v.) – to scold; to severely criticize
for your edification: You know when you’ve done something wrong – like you’ve really done something wrong – and your momma or your grandmomma yells at you in a way that only a momma or a grandmomma can? They look at you with their eyes cut, and they grab for a handful of your hair, and if you had a head full of braids, they’d be pulling you up by the braids out of anger and frustration and the understanding that you surely out your damn mind. Well, this special kind of scolding and severe criticism that would cause someone to literally pull you up off the floor by the braids is known as an upbraid. Up by the braids. A big scolding. Easy peasy.
Examplification – Dirk: If Mrs. Beasley does not stop screaming about photosynthesis, I am going to cut my head off. This is the worst headache anyone has ever felt.
Patty: Rough night?
Dirk: My mom caught me trying to take fifty bucks out of her purse. She pulled me up by the braids, scolding me for hours and grounding me for weeks.
Patty: Aaah, the old upbraid. That’s harsh.
Dirk: And freaking painful. Seriously: why is Mrs. B. screaming at us right now? It feels like she’s standing on my brain.
Mrs. Beasley: …energy from light is absorbed by photosynthetic reaction centers that contain chlorophyll.
Dirk: Go to hell, chlorophyll!
Patty: Get a hold of yourself, man.
