Being amped up after the season finale of Game of Thrones and being only two 40 oz's of cheap beer deep, I decided to hit the bar for $1 drafts accordingly. After a few additional hours of drinking, the patrons in the bar spilled outside to have a cigarette and the bartender locked up the establishment for the night. Left to our own devices, we all stood around talking about politics, race, and other random issues like some bizarro universe edition of Horace and Pete. At some point a freestyle cipher started.
So in the circle is me, a chill Spanish Dude, and three white kids aged roughly around 21 - 24. I've talked to everyone involved in this scenario at the bar on numerous occasions, although they usually need to remind me of this the next time I go to the bar pre-buzzed. One of the kids clearly has a chip on his shoulder, I can tell he does not enjoy my random drunken ramblings but can't find a hole in my logic big enough to start a fight over. No matter. The freestyle cipher (and I use that term with all due respect to people that can actually rap) is going, and some 40+ year old man stumbles by. The kid freestyling works it into his rhyme, offering the guy to join the freestyle. The guy keeps stumbling on, ignoring the request, probably not even paying attention. This riles up the young kids.
They basically challenge this old dude to a fight. One of the kids is standing there with a bag of bar peanuts, throwing them at the guy. The guy goes to cross the intersection, but turns around and starts to stumble back. I immediately jump in with my two cents.
"What is the point of starting an altercation with this guy?"
"He was disrespectful, he didn't join the cipher!"
"Dude, he probably doesn't even listen to hip hop. Who gives a fuck? He's probably in his 40's or 50's, getting drunk to forget about his ex-wife who fucked his best friend before taking sole custody of his three kids. The kids probably blame him for it, too."
The guy is also getting riled up, but smart enough not to throw the first swing. I think my little comment about losing his kids or wife might have struck a chord, because he turned around angrily but then realized I was trying to deescalate the situation. Me attempting to deflate the tension might have also given him a bit more confidence to walk back and say to the kids "Who's the one throwing sh!t at me?" Now all three kids are talking sh!t, me and the Spanish dude are looking at each other like "What a bunch of retards," and the older dude is swaying and stumbling around like the town drunk, most likely looking for a lawsuit out of this ordeal. Eventually the kid with the chip on his shoulder throwing the peanuts goes to square up, but the old dude turns around again. Then turns back around towards us. At this point I relocate to my car, and everyone crosses the street.
There's literally a police officer at a gas station within earshot of this entire altercation. They're all now squaring up, the old dude is filming it on his phone to put on Youtube, the young kids are getting ready to jump him, when I end the situation with one sentence. "There isn't any pussy here!" Everyone stops and looks at me. "Who are you guys trying to impress right now? You ain't getting any pussy outta this, just potential law suits and jail time." This sort of sobers up everyone involved. The kids are like "What the fuck, man? You're still cool but why don't you have our back?" Because you guys are acting fucking retarded, that's why. Everyone hops in their car and leaves.
So in the circle is me, a chill Spanish Dude, and three white kids aged roughly around 21 - 24. I've talked to everyone involved in this scenario at the bar on numerous occasions, although they usually need to remind me of this the next time I go to the bar pre-buzzed. One of the kids clearly has a chip on his shoulder, I can tell he does not enjoy my random drunken ramblings but can't find a hole in my logic big enough to start a fight over. No matter. The freestyle cipher (and I use that term with all due respect to people that can actually rap) is going, and some 40+ year old man stumbles by. The kid freestyling works it into his rhyme, offering the guy to join the freestyle. The guy keeps stumbling on, ignoring the request, probably not even paying attention. This riles up the young kids.
They basically challenge this old dude to a fight. One of the kids is standing there with a bag of bar peanuts, throwing them at the guy. The guy goes to cross the intersection, but turns around and starts to stumble back. I immediately jump in with my two cents.
"What is the point of starting an altercation with this guy?"
"He was disrespectful, he didn't join the cipher!"
"Dude, he probably doesn't even listen to hip hop. Who gives a fuck? He's probably in his 40's or 50's, getting drunk to forget about his ex-wife who fucked his best friend before taking sole custody of his three kids. The kids probably blame him for it, too."
The guy is also getting riled up, but smart enough not to throw the first swing. I think my little comment about losing his kids or wife might have struck a chord, because he turned around angrily but then realized I was trying to deescalate the situation. Me attempting to deflate the tension might have also given him a bit more confidence to walk back and say to the kids "Who's the one throwing sh!t at me?" Now all three kids are talking sh!t, me and the Spanish dude are looking at each other like "What a bunch of retards," and the older dude is swaying and stumbling around like the town drunk, most likely looking for a lawsuit out of this ordeal. Eventually the kid with the chip on his shoulder throwing the peanuts goes to square up, but the old dude turns around again. Then turns back around towards us. At this point I relocate to my car, and everyone crosses the street.
There's literally a police officer at a gas station within earshot of this entire altercation. They're all now squaring up, the old dude is filming it on his phone to put on Youtube, the young kids are getting ready to jump him, when I end the situation with one sentence. "There isn't any pussy here!" Everyone stops and looks at me. "Who are you guys trying to impress right now? You ain't getting any pussy outta this, just potential law suits and jail time." This sort of sobers up everyone involved. The kids are like "What the fuck, man? You're still cool but why don't you have our back?" Because you guys are acting fucking retarded, that's why. Everyone hops in their car and leaves.
This post first appeared on Sweet Funky Freedom (Conspiracy Humor Blog), please read the originial post: here
