Previously on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"

Russ was excited, he had tickets to a comedy show... Sarah Silverman and Friends at the Largo Theater.  This was pretty much the only place Russ couldn't walk to.  It was at least a twenty minute drive... usually around thirty with traffic.  This would be the second show Russ will have seen at this theater, the first being The Benson Interruption with Doug Benson, Nick Swardson, Al Madrigal, Anthony Jeselnik, Sean Cullen, and Garfunkel & Oates... great show.

Anyways, Russ got to the theater a little later than he wanted to, he quickly tried to find a parking space, and found one about two blocks away.  Walking at a fast pace, he finally made it to the theater...

But what's this...?

Sarah Silverman and Friends wasn't tonight.  It was some other show.  Russ started to worry... what if he had looked at the calendar wrong?  What if it was the previous night and he missed it?

Noooooooooooooooo!

Russ pulled out his ticket, and saw that the show was actually tomorrow night.  Close one.

"...but god dammit I drove all the way out here!!"

You probably don't think that's such a big deal, but parking sucks in LA... Russ knew by the time he got back to the apartment his space right in front of the building would be gone... and all for nothing.

"Fuck."

Russ got in his car, hit some wizard and cruised home.  When he got to his apartment his parking spot was gone, so he parked about a block away.  What had seemed like a somewhat shitty night would only get better in a couple hours... but that's a story for another day...

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How many posts are going to start out this way... Russ was so tired.  So very very tired.  Ha ha... anyways you all know Russ had failed to get to The Price is Right on time a couple weeks ago, luckily he had gotten another ticket for the 22nd... a Tuesday.

It's not hard at all to get tickets really... you just go online, and print one out.  Luck doesn't really have anything to do with it.

Russ got back to the apartment late Monday night after a show, around 1:30, and was locked out of the apartment... AGAIN... but only for a little while.  Someone eventually entered the building and let him in.  When he got up to the apartment... it was hot as fuck... honestly it had to be at least 80 degrees in there... sooooo hot, he popped one of his sleeping pills, hopped into his jammies (tshirt and shorts), and laid down.  He was really tired, and if he wanted to make it to The Price is Right he was going to have to get up at 5, to try and be at the studio around 6am.

Around 2am, The New Guy got home... (He just walked into Starbucks... I'm going to have to finish this post a little later... ok he's at another table.)

Note:  Let me say that out of everyone in the apartment, I feel like I'm the only person trying to respect the fact that other people might be trying to sleep.  So I have this little flashlight I use to navigate in the dark... obviously... and I try to be as quiet as possible.  No one else does this... hey let's turn on as many lights as we can and make as much noise as fucking possible... just typing about this shit pisses me off.

So The New Guy gets home around 2, and who knows how the fuck he does this, but he passes out the moment he lays down... and fucking snores up a storm!!  How the hell do people fall asleep so fast?  Also if you snore you should try and do something about it if you plan on having room mates, or you sleep with someone else.  Come on.

For an hour Russ laid there, tossing and turning in the heat, trying to listen to music, but not able to tune out the snoring sound.  After awhile Russ couldn't handle it anymore, he went outside to the courtyard to smoke.  Now under the influence of sleeping pills and wizard he decided to go for a walk.  Great idea.  Minutes later, and incredibly hungry he ended up at 7-11.  After walking around 7-11 for about ten minutes...probably freaking the clerk out... he walked out with chili cheese nachos.

Note:  I know, I know... it was a very weak moment for me... I was tired, hungry, pissed... eating junk food just this once made me feel a little better... at least until the heartburn set in.

Note to self:  Don't eat 7-11 chili cheese nachos at 3am and then hope to get some sleep that night.

Russ walked back to the apartment, but decided to eat his nachos in his car.  After eating he just decided to sit in his car for awhile.  He started to doze off, and hopped in the back to lay down.  It was chilly, and you know he was wearing shorts, so he grabbed a towel and covered himself up.

Even alone in his car, Russ couldn't get to sleep.  He laid there until daybreak, and then went back into the apartment.  Fuck going to The Price is Right... he didn't have the energy or patience to deal with any of that.

Later that evening Russ went to the local comedy theatre for a show, Doug Loves Movies... he always got to this show, which was free, two hours before it started so he could sit in the front row.

"Is sitting in the front row really that important?"

For this show it is.  Half way through Doug Loves Movies, the celebrity panel each get to pick someone out of the audience to play the movie game show for.  People in the audience wear name tags that they've made, and the each guest picks a name tag.

Note:  People in the audience go all out making name tags.  The first time I went I just stopped at CVS and picked up a pack of "Hello My Name is" name tags.  I just wrote "Russ" on it in Sharpie, and wore that for the show.  Other people though, put a lot more effort into this and make light up name tags...  one guy wrote his name on a banana and got picked, one guy had a Price is Right name tag(fucker).  The rest of the shows I've gone to, I've still used the "Hello My Name is" tags, but instead of just writing "Russ" on one, I write each letter of my name largely on each tag... 7 name tags all across my chest spelling Russell.

The celebrity who wins, their audience member gets a prize bag.  This week Dave Foley, Jeff Garlin, and Christopher Mintz-Plasse (McLovin, and Red Mist, for those of you who aren't familiar with that name) were there.  Like the three weeks before Russ didn't get picked.

"Awwwwwww."

That's okay, the show's still incredibly entertaining, and Russ's name has been mentioned the last two shows.  The first time Russ was mentioned just as the host, Doug Benson, was reading off some of the name tags in the audience.  The second time, Doug was listing off celebrity birthdays... this show was the day after Jennifer Love Hewitt's birthday, so he mentioned so.

How many people do you think clapped, or cheered after he mentioned it was Jennifer Love Hewitt's birthday?  If you guessed one, you're correct!  Who do you think that one person was?  If you guessed Russ, you're correct!

Russ let out a short cheer, and clapped when he heard Doug mention that it had been J. Love's birthday the previous day.  Doug looked at Russ, the only person who cheered and clapped and said...

"Well, Russ is excited about that."

Some of you know that Russ's celebrity crush (we all have them) for the greater part of his teenage years was the lovely Jennifer Love Hewitt.  What a babe.

Note:  I'm sorry J. Love, but I've moved on... you'll always have a piece of my heart though.

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Coming up on "Everything's Coming Up Russes!"

Russ needs to relax, and decides to hit up a bar, but all is not what it seems at this local tavern...  stick around.