I'm sure some of you have been wondering over the past few months where Brandon has been and why I just won't shut the hell up.

Well, you might think he's too busy being a father with a newborn baby like some kind of responsible adult, but the truth is that a 400 lb mulleted shebeast sat on him, he was sucked up, comically, into the planetary pull of her nethercheeks, and now he's living in rural Iowa as a morbidly obese woman's hemorrhoid donut.

Or maybe it's just that first thing.

I'm still here, though, and in coming months I'm beyond excited to share some of the big new projects I'm working on, which are insanely ambitious and probably sound ridiculous, but I don't want to be that guy who turns (insert oldish sounding age here) and wonders what could have been. Wonders why I didn't take more risks and try something batshit crazy.

Stay tuned. The hype is real.

Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Bryan

Music: Canadian Summer
Beer: Victory HopDevil