The last thing I remember is standing in my socks on the soggy bank of a lake arguing with a disgruntled midget. – School Principal Bertrand Calhoun Luedecking Jr. FOUNTAIN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA – An elementary school principal is causing quite a stir in this southern California city after showing up to work last week with his entire head and face covered in colorful tattoos. His explanation for how it happened is as fascinating as his brightly designed skull. Principal Bertrand Luedecking claims that he blacked out after drinking too much alcohol and that when he woke up, his head and face had been tattooed. “I woke up in the back of a van in the parking lot of a Dollar General store embracing a large rubber boot,” Principal Luedecking told reporters. “The song Betty Davis Eyes was repeatedly playing on a tape deck and my head ached so bad that I wondered if I could go blind. I mean, like, it really hurt.” After acquiring a bachelors degree in Sociology at Orange Coast College, Bertrand Luedecking attended Chaffrey College where he earned his Ph.D. in Conformity. It was during his first semester at Chaffrey that he met and impregnated Nancy Slotneck. […]