ABBOTTABAD, PAKISTAN – After innumerable years of killing innocent people, dwelling in caves, riding camels in the dead of night and eating more than his fair share of leftovers, sources close to Osama Bin Laden say he was just weeks away from turning over a new leaf before U.S. Navy Seals blew his face off. After decades of sore feet, irritating dry skin and the excruciating annoyance of bug bites, it appears that Osama bin Laden had committed to living a dream he’d been envisioning for almost ten years: to own and operate his very own Dairy Queen franchise. “Many years ago in a cave in Afghanistan, Osama became enchanted with a picture of a Dilly Bar,” recalled a former mountain guide of bin Laden’s. “He was perusing a circular he’d come across from a Carrboro, North Carolina newspaper left behind by previous troglodytes. Inside was a Dairy Queen pull-out ad with a large colorful picture of a Dilly Bar. Osama stared at the picture for many minutes before he carefully folded the ad and tucked it inside of his robe. Several days later I heard him asking someone if they’d ever tasted a Dilly Bar.” Sources close to him […]