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I went to the Snake Tea Party.

Actually, I hosted the Snake Tea Party.

Actually, I hosted the Snake Tea Party dressed in a tuxedo

made of mongooses.

There was a perfect Snake Tea Set with matching snake napkins.

Four snakes sat around the table as Tim poured them tea cups

of organic apple juice with sprinkles of cinnamon from Morocco.

Amanda regularly circled the table and offered the snakes sugar

cookies from a snake platter that matched the snake tea set.

By that point we were done shoving dynamite down their throats.

Actually, I guess snakes don’t really have throats.

Or maybe you could just consider them to be one big,

long continuous throat.

Anyway, the snakes were completely filled with dynamite.

It was particularly funny where the dynamite went down sideways

giving the appearance of a bowtie.

A bowtie made of dynamite and shoved down a snake’s throat.

We excused ourselves from serving to slip behind our protective

concrete bunkers, so we could open our flamethrowers full throttle.

The ensuing explosion and fireball made me glad to be alive.

For the first time in my life I truly felt like Martha Stewart.