It was with tickled amusement that I found myself en route to an LA Galaxy Soccer Game recently. Had you asked me Monday of the week that I went what I thought I'd be doing that Saturday night I would have given these as the Top 3 Options:
1. Hopelessly Texting an Attractive Female
2. Writing about the Hijinks of texting attractive females
3. Attending an event ripe with the possibility of acquiring new #s for future angst-ridden texting sessions.
I'm definitely not a Soccer/Futbol fan, I'd rank Hoops, Beisbol and Hurt that Guy in a Helmet in that order of enjoyment but in no way am I averse to watching a match. I very much enjoyed the World Cup and having had an extensive amount of training in Stage Combat through my cumulative years in Acting Conservatories I'd most certainly be adept at rolling around and flipping to and fro pretending I was mortally wounded on the pitch.
I actually went to a World Cup game back in oh, what was it, I'm gonna say 1994 when it was in New Jersey. I believe I witnessed a game between Bulgaria and Mexico? I think those were the squads. One was European and one was Western Hemisphere Latin. I also remember possibly going to a New York Cosmos game to see Pele play although I was very very young.
Truth be told my childhood had a soccer ball in it before any sports sphere could make its way onto my impressionable limbs. My dad was Israeli and played soccer in Israel a lot. I cannot deny or confirm if he played in some professional capacity but I know he was exceedingly good at it along with all sports related activities. Having come to the States as a baby I'm sure my dad was somewhat resigned to the fact that I would end up indoctrinated by American Sports. Nevertheless he side-stepped the baseball mitt in the backyard father-son activities and thwacked a soccer-ball to me in lieu of the ol' cowhide. I was not inclined towards athletics as a kid and found joy in art and drawing if you can believe it although as was expected I became an ardent fan of American sports and surely put my father through hell during the times he had to escort me to a baseball game as a kid.
I find it ironic that Soccer fans almost always hate baseball and claim that it bores them to tears. I happened to be sitting next to someone at the Galaxy game who echoed those very sentiments. His logic was that soccer matches take 90 minutes no matter what and there's always something going on. I would counter that argument by saying that sitting in the middle of a shopping mall and watching people shop is like watching soccer, there's always something going on but nothing that necessarily warrants excitement. Look, it's not that thrilling a game and unless the fate of a country lies in the outcome it loses its mojo. Watching International Matches are a whole 'nother ball o' wax, those games are like wars. In fact I would say rather than bombing or engaging in illegal unconstitutional wars Nations should duke it out on the soccer field. Yes , that would mean the US would lose every ounce of its power and Brazil would be in charge of the world...I'm cool with that. I think the Brazilians could teach Americans a thing or two about sexuality and the removal of large metaphysical inanimate objects from their rectums.
Anyway, so the Galaxy game, match or scrimmage or well, actually, let's just say sporting event was interesting to say the least. Not interesting from a game perspective but interesting from a social event perspective. For one, it just seemed to me like the players could give a rat's ass about the outcome. David Beckham seemed genuinely unenthusiastic, it was as if someone wound him up before each half so he could go through the motions. Either that or he was a Manchurian Candidate in training waiting for his handlers to set him upon one of the many low-income fans who passionately rooted for him.
Then there was Landon Donovan of the iconic 'sliding on his stomach during the USA's thrilling World Cup' moment. He absolutely cared. He was the lil' relentless motor that always drives you crazy if you're playing against him. Someone who not only takes it way too seriously but is tinged with an element of whiny self-entitlement, as if Mommy and Daddy told him he was special waaay too much. He ended up scoring two goals and on his second one he jumped up and punched his fist in the air and rambled towards the fans to express his profound affirmation in getting what he deserved. Thing was, none of his teammates joined him in his effusive display of competitiveness. This was nowhere near the mob scene you would see in a European match where everyone climbs aboard the goal scorer knowing that their lives would not only be spared by the Pitchfork Mob but that neatly trimmed poonany and ale would be had by all afterward. Here Landon's teammates were clearly pre-occupied by what the traffic would be like on the 110 going home, which crappy fast food place was open nearby after 11pm and when the appropriate moment would be to reveal to their booty call that they don't in fact play for the Anaheim Ducks.
Perhaps if the Galaxy were threatened by hordes of illegal immigrants who just found out that the Dream Act was voted down for the fifth time after a loss there'd be more on the line for them. Maybe if Bex was promised a hall pass for a free shag with a Gordita if he scored a goal he'd bend it a little tighter. Hey, what's my verb? If Beckham has 'Bend it like Beckahm' what would mine be? 'Complain over it like Issac?' 'Approach the chick with the Boyfriend like Issac?' , no too long. How about 'Jew it like Issac' that's the one. What does Jew it mean? Well, Michael Jackson once sang 'Don't Jew Me' which was never fully explained. I suppose he could have been saying don't take me with you to pick up pennies or don't put that piece of gefilte fish on my plate. Perhaps don't Jew me means don't cast me in a Hollywood production, who knows. But 'Jew it Like Issac' could mean Kvetch about everything and then take a yoga class in purple tights while uttering 'Oy' during the hamstring poses.
Wait, it just hit me, there was a Prince concert at the Forum this very same night. How tragic. Someone should have told Landon to do a split and hand out Jehovah Witness booklets to the Latinos during his celebration to make me feel a little better.
Anyhoo, here's what provided the most entertainment for me at this game: Two sections of fans comprised mostly of Latinos that cheered, sang and chanted religiously every second the game was being played. It was unbelievable. Here was the scene: In the corner of the stadium to the right of one of the goals a section was packed to the gills with fans all wearing navy blue or some facsimile thereof. At the bottom of the section was a railing and a small concrete platform where someone would stand and literally conduct the section like an orchestra. This person would whoop them into a frenzy along with a drummer into all sorts of songs and incantations. There must have been at least a dozen different songs and I for the life of me could not make any of them out or understand the lyrics. At various points the 'Conductor' would be replaced by someone like a tag-team wrestler who would grab the baton and keep them hollering and hooting. They never took a break. In all my years of going to professional sporting events not once have I ever witnessed a part of the fan base exert itself to such a degree for such a consistent amount of time. I mean, I've sat with the Bleacher Creatures in Yankee Stadium several times and they barely make it to the 5th inning before they're all drunk and looking to beat up people. Also, across the way was another section dressed in all white who was engaged in the same histrionics but they had no conductor. What they did do, which was super cool, was at various points they would simultaneously jump up and down while moving either left or right; so it looked like the entire section was moving.
So after doing some research it turns out that these cats are called the LA Riot Squad, yes, I know. Their motto is Veni Imbibi Vidi which basically means we came we drank we conquered, yes, I know. They have a PDF that you can download from the main LA Galaxy Site that has a sheet of all the chants and songs they sing, yes, I know. The 'LA Galaxy Hymn' sung to the tune of the Marine Corps Hymn starts with the lyric 'From the heart of downtown Naperville to the Slums of San Jose'...yes, I know. We have a chant we sing religiously at Knicks Games in Madison Square Garden, goes a lil' something like this 'When the #@%$ are you gonna win a !#!^&ing playoff series!!!...clap clap clap [repeat]. There are no chants at Yankee's games, we just all stand and point to our ring finger 27 times in a row and then sit down ;)
Sooo....my feeling about all these shenanigans and thangs about the Galaxy game is this: It's a frikkin Galaxy Game!!! I...I mean, why the passion, why care?!? It seemed all misplaced. Is MLS being mythologized in Mexico? Is going to an LA Galaxy game a rite of passage for immigrating to this country? Do they sit around the campfire with the coyotes before crossing the border and speak of El Bex? Do they practice moving in unison? So, the Galaxy, they just won the...wait, what do you win if you win the MLS Championship? What's it called? Does the winning team get crates of Monster Energy Drink? We won it all! We get to go to a Dodger game next week, yay!
I honestly do not understand, really, I don't. I guess I'm a spoiled professional sports brat from the East Coast who has always rooted for major teams my entire life. I've never embraced a local semi-professional team. Nevertheless, I can understand fans going nuts for National Soccer teams but regional teams in the States have never and will never be nothing but a novelty.
Okay last point, the LA Galaxy play in the Home Depot Center located in...wait for it...Carson. That's not LA County is it? Shouldn't they be the Carson Galaxy of LA or The LA Depot in Carson's Galaxy or better yet the Carson's Home Galaxy Depot near LA!?
Muy weird. I doubt I'll ever go again. Every time the Carson's scored a goal (three in this game) they played Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that one day the LA Riot Squad took to the streets with their hymns and songs blaring that track in their boomoxes. Better get that PDF in your hands and learn them there tunes pardner, these futbollers from Carson mean bidness.
1. Hopelessly Texting an Attractive Female
2. Writing about the Hijinks of texting attractive females
3. Attending an event ripe with the possibility of acquiring new #s for future angst-ridden texting sessions.
I'm definitely not a Soccer/Futbol fan, I'd rank Hoops, Beisbol and Hurt that Guy in a Helmet in that order of enjoyment but in no way am I averse to watching a match. I very much enjoyed the World Cup and having had an extensive amount of training in Stage Combat through my cumulative years in Acting Conservatories I'd most certainly be adept at rolling around and flipping to and fro pretending I was mortally wounded on the pitch.
I actually went to a World Cup game back in oh, what was it, I'm gonna say 1994 when it was in New Jersey. I believe I witnessed a game between Bulgaria and Mexico? I think those were the squads. One was European and one was Western Hemisphere Latin. I also remember possibly going to a New York Cosmos game to see Pele play although I was very very young.
Truth be told my childhood had a soccer ball in it before any sports sphere could make its way onto my impressionable limbs. My dad was Israeli and played soccer in Israel a lot. I cannot deny or confirm if he played in some professional capacity but I know he was exceedingly good at it along with all sports related activities. Having come to the States as a baby I'm sure my dad was somewhat resigned to the fact that I would end up indoctrinated by American Sports. Nevertheless he side-stepped the baseball mitt in the backyard father-son activities and thwacked a soccer-ball to me in lieu of the ol' cowhide. I was not inclined towards athletics as a kid and found joy in art and drawing if you can believe it although as was expected I became an ardent fan of American sports and surely put my father through hell during the times he had to escort me to a baseball game as a kid.
I find it ironic that Soccer fans almost always hate baseball and claim that it bores them to tears. I happened to be sitting next to someone at the Galaxy game who echoed those very sentiments. His logic was that soccer matches take 90 minutes no matter what and there's always something going on. I would counter that argument by saying that sitting in the middle of a shopping mall and watching people shop is like watching soccer, there's always something going on but nothing that necessarily warrants excitement. Look, it's not that thrilling a game and unless the fate of a country lies in the outcome it loses its mojo. Watching International Matches are a whole 'nother ball o' wax, those games are like wars. In fact I would say rather than bombing or engaging in illegal unconstitutional wars Nations should duke it out on the soccer field. Yes , that would mean the US would lose every ounce of its power and Brazil would be in charge of the world...I'm cool with that. I think the Brazilians could teach Americans a thing or two about sexuality and the removal of large metaphysical inanimate objects from their rectums.
Anyway, so the Galaxy game, match or scrimmage or well, actually, let's just say sporting event was interesting to say the least. Not interesting from a game perspective but interesting from a social event perspective. For one, it just seemed to me like the players could give a rat's ass about the outcome. David Beckham seemed genuinely unenthusiastic, it was as if someone wound him up before each half so he could go through the motions. Either that or he was a Manchurian Candidate in training waiting for his handlers to set him upon one of the many low-income fans who passionately rooted for him.
Then there was Landon Donovan of the iconic 'sliding on his stomach during the USA's thrilling World Cup' moment. He absolutely cared. He was the lil' relentless motor that always drives you crazy if you're playing against him. Someone who not only takes it way too seriously but is tinged with an element of whiny self-entitlement, as if Mommy and Daddy told him he was special waaay too much. He ended up scoring two goals and on his second one he jumped up and punched his fist in the air and rambled towards the fans to express his profound affirmation in getting what he deserved. Thing was, none of his teammates joined him in his effusive display of competitiveness. This was nowhere near the mob scene you would see in a European match where everyone climbs aboard the goal scorer knowing that their lives would not only be spared by the Pitchfork Mob but that neatly trimmed poonany and ale would be had by all afterward. Here Landon's teammates were clearly pre-occupied by what the traffic would be like on the 110 going home, which crappy fast food place was open nearby after 11pm and when the appropriate moment would be to reveal to their booty call that they don't in fact play for the Anaheim Ducks.
Perhaps if the Galaxy were threatened by hordes of illegal immigrants who just found out that the Dream Act was voted down for the fifth time after a loss there'd be more on the line for them. Maybe if Bex was promised a hall pass for a free shag with a Gordita if he scored a goal he'd bend it a little tighter. Hey, what's my verb? If Beckham has 'Bend it like Beckahm' what would mine be? 'Complain over it like Issac?' 'Approach the chick with the Boyfriend like Issac?' , no too long. How about 'Jew it like Issac' that's the one. What does Jew it mean? Well, Michael Jackson once sang 'Don't Jew Me' which was never fully explained. I suppose he could have been saying don't take me with you to pick up pennies or don't put that piece of gefilte fish on my plate. Perhaps don't Jew me means don't cast me in a Hollywood production, who knows. But 'Jew it Like Issac' could mean Kvetch about everything and then take a yoga class in purple tights while uttering 'Oy' during the hamstring poses.
Wait, it just hit me, there was a Prince concert at the Forum this very same night. How tragic. Someone should have told Landon to do a split and hand out Jehovah Witness booklets to the Latinos during his celebration to make me feel a little better.
Anyhoo, here's what provided the most entertainment for me at this game: Two sections of fans comprised mostly of Latinos that cheered, sang and chanted religiously every second the game was being played. It was unbelievable. Here was the scene: In the corner of the stadium to the right of one of the goals a section was packed to the gills with fans all wearing navy blue or some facsimile thereof. At the bottom of the section was a railing and a small concrete platform where someone would stand and literally conduct the section like an orchestra. This person would whoop them into a frenzy along with a drummer into all sorts of songs and incantations. There must have been at least a dozen different songs and I for the life of me could not make any of them out or understand the lyrics. At various points the 'Conductor' would be replaced by someone like a tag-team wrestler who would grab the baton and keep them hollering and hooting. They never took a break. In all my years of going to professional sporting events not once have I ever witnessed a part of the fan base exert itself to such a degree for such a consistent amount of time. I mean, I've sat with the Bleacher Creatures in Yankee Stadium several times and they barely make it to the 5th inning before they're all drunk and looking to beat up people. Also, across the way was another section dressed in all white who was engaged in the same histrionics but they had no conductor. What they did do, which was super cool, was at various points they would simultaneously jump up and down while moving either left or right; so it looked like the entire section was moving.
So after doing some research it turns out that these cats are called the LA Riot Squad, yes, I know. Their motto is Veni Imbibi Vidi which basically means we came we drank we conquered, yes, I know. They have a PDF that you can download from the main LA Galaxy Site that has a sheet of all the chants and songs they sing, yes, I know. The 'LA Galaxy Hymn' sung to the tune of the Marine Corps Hymn starts with the lyric 'From the heart of downtown Naperville to the Slums of San Jose'...yes, I know. We have a chant we sing religiously at Knicks Games in Madison Square Garden, goes a lil' something like this 'When the #@%$ are you gonna win a !#!^&ing playoff series!!!...clap clap clap [repeat]. There are no chants at Yankee's games, we just all stand and point to our ring finger 27 times in a row and then sit down ;)
Sooo....my feeling about all these shenanigans and thangs about the Galaxy game is this: It's a frikkin Galaxy Game!!! I...I mean, why the passion, why care?!? It seemed all misplaced. Is MLS being mythologized in Mexico? Is going to an LA Galaxy game a rite of passage for immigrating to this country? Do they sit around the campfire with the coyotes before crossing the border and speak of El Bex? Do they practice moving in unison? So, the Galaxy, they just won the...wait, what do you win if you win the MLS Championship? What's it called? Does the winning team get crates of Monster Energy Drink? We won it all! We get to go to a Dodger game next week, yay!
I honestly do not understand, really, I don't. I guess I'm a spoiled professional sports brat from the East Coast who has always rooted for major teams my entire life. I've never embraced a local semi-professional team. Nevertheless, I can understand fans going nuts for National Soccer teams but regional teams in the States have never and will never be nothing but a novelty.
Okay last point, the LA Galaxy play in the Home Depot Center located in...wait for it...Carson. That's not LA County is it? Shouldn't they be the Carson Galaxy of LA or The LA Depot in Carson's Galaxy or better yet the Carson's Home Galaxy Depot near LA!?
Muy weird. I doubt I'll ever go again. Every time the Carson's scored a goal (three in this game) they played Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that one day the LA Riot Squad took to the streets with their hymns and songs blaring that track in their boomoxes. Better get that PDF in your hands and learn them there tunes pardner, these futbollers from Carson mean bidness.
