Jessica Benet asked…
Dear Stupid,
What do you do in your free time when you don't have a question to answer?
Jessica Benet.
Stupid Said…
Excellent question Jessica. May I call you B’NayNay? Thanks.
I rarely have time to pull myself away from the computer because of all the HOARDES of questions I receive—obviously! But when I do get a spare minute, this is what I do:
• I head on down to the McDonalds inside Wal-Mart so the employees there can make fun of me. I know it sounds crass, but I really think they need someone.
• If I still have time after that, I like to go to Barnes and Noble and act like I am one of the Managers. I approach the customers and ask if they have found everything they need. After a brief, customer-friendly conversation, I follow them around the store as if they were going to steal something. I peek around corners, watch them from the front door, drag my thumb across my neck making the I’m-gonna-git-you-sucka! gesture—you know, fun stuff. Later I approach them and tell them I’m just kidding and give them coupons I get in my mailbox.
• I grab my binoculars and hang out down the street from the skate park—DUH!
• I go to Cabela’s sometimes and ask to buy a gun. Before I enter the store though, I spray my forehead and sideburns with tanning oil, so I have little droplets of liquid on my forehead and dripping from my chops. You should see their faces--it's adorable.
• I like to attend high school sports and heckle the players.
• I bake with butter.
• Sometimes my wife Limpy and I go to the rest home to do service with the invalids. They like to play ‘catch’ with beach balls and spaghetti.
• I buy a dozen doughnuts and eat them on the front steps of the police station. I always wear my fake mustache when I do that so they don’t identify me.
• I take judo classes on the internet. And jazz. I looooove jazz.
So, that’s what I do for fun—the normal stuff. If you’re still reading at this point, I guess my boring ol’ life is at least interesting to someone. I’ve gotta run; I hear it’s dollar day down at Petsmart…
(As always: to ask a question, post it in the comments after this article--and tell your friends to try out my advice blog. That way you will have more to read—and that’s what we all want, more to read.)
Dear Stupid,
What do you do in your free time when you don't have a question to answer?
Jessica Benet.
Stupid Said…
Excellent question Jessica. May I call you B’NayNay? Thanks.
I rarely have time to pull myself away from the computer because of all the HOARDES of questions I receive—obviously! But when I do get a spare minute, this is what I do:
• I head on down to the McDonalds inside Wal-Mart so the employees there can make fun of me. I know it sounds crass, but I really think they need someone.
• If I still have time after that, I like to go to Barnes and Noble and act like I am one of the Managers. I approach the customers and ask if they have found everything they need. After a brief, customer-friendly conversation, I follow them around the store as if they were going to steal something. I peek around corners, watch them from the front door, drag my thumb across my neck making the I’m-gonna-git-you-sucka! gesture—you know, fun stuff. Later I approach them and tell them I’m just kidding and give them coupons I get in my mailbox.
• I grab my binoculars and hang out down the street from the skate park—DUH!
• I go to Cabela’s sometimes and ask to buy a gun. Before I enter the store though, I spray my forehead and sideburns with tanning oil, so I have little droplets of liquid on my forehead and dripping from my chops. You should see their faces--it's adorable.
• I like to attend high school sports and heckle the players.
• I bake with butter.
• Sometimes my wife Limpy and I go to the rest home to do service with the invalids. They like to play ‘catch’ with beach balls and spaghetti.
• I buy a dozen doughnuts and eat them on the front steps of the police station. I always wear my fake mustache when I do that so they don’t identify me.
• I take judo classes on the internet. And jazz. I looooove jazz.
So, that’s what I do for fun—the normal stuff. If you’re still reading at this point, I guess my boring ol’ life is at least interesting to someone. I’ve gotta run; I hear it’s dollar day down at Petsmart…
(As always: to ask a question, post it in the comments after this article--and tell your friends to try out my advice blog. That way you will have more to read—and that’s what we all want, more to read.)
