I was born a catholic. But that doesn’t matter – I was also born an idiot with zero vocabulary, an uneven temperament, and was easily distracted by jiggling keys. So my state at birth is irrelevant.

The point is – technically, I’m a catholic, but I’m not a very religious person. You can argue that someone who founded the Church of Tolerance and issued Commandments willy-nilly is by definition, religious. You CAN argue that, but I’ll just ignore you.

Being catholic, I am automatically subscribed to follow his eminence, the Pope. In case you’re not familiar – ‘Pope’ is the official title awarded to the head of the Vatican and the default leader of the worldwide catholic church. He’s also known as the bishop of Rome, the ‘vicar of Jesus Christ’, the head of the Papal office, and – I assume – the Lord of the Mass.

Ostensibly, he is looked upon by the world at large for moral and spiritual guidance on human rights and liberty issues. I’ve never shared this Pope-ular notion, because throughout history, the popes haven’t always gotten the ‘moral’ part right. For a position that demands pious celibacy and exemplary morals, a good chunk of them have been corrupt, warmongering, sadistic, power hungry, sexual deviants and psychopaths who manipulated politics for their own gain.

Taking this historical perspective in mind, do I think the good and evil balance out? Ever since former Pope Benedict XVI sided against science and sabotaged the anti-AIDS campaign in Africa, I have been inclined to say no… By then, I had no real hope left for the institution. But then, in 2013, Pope Benedict XVI was asked by God to resign, which he did. This paved way f… But wait a minute… God was his boss… and God told him to quit… Sooo…

This ‘retirement’ paved way for the new guy – Pope Francis – the papal’s poop. I mean – the people’s pope. He has, in a way, revolutionized the image of the church, essentially re-branding it as a more tolerant, more progressive, humble organization working for the good of the poor and the downtrodden… qualities that actually sound so churchy that it’s surprising how far the church strayed from these values for so long. It’d be like if a popular coffeehouse chain, say, Starbucks, announces that the Pumpkin Spice latte – which they’ve been selling for 12 years – will now start using real pumpkin. Ridiculous, right?

Pope Francis is genuinely passionate and considerate about his fellow man. He has asked the Vatican to be more hands-on in helping the poor and the sick, opted out of luxury life in favor of humble simplicity, spoken against climate change, given a slight nod to atheists, donated employee bonuses to charity, and has even demonstrated some tolerance for sexual minorities by saying “If someone is gay and he searches for the lord and has good will, who am I to judge?”, which is a pretty controversial statement from the head of the Catholic Church, because judging people is like 70% of what they do; I’m pretty sure they hold the patent on it.

He is also a compassionate champion of the homeless. Just months into his papacy, he invited 200 homeless people to dine with him at the Vatican. He auctioned off his Harley Davidson bike for them. He is also reporte… wait a minute. The Pope had a Harley Davidson?? He… He really isn’t the typical pope, is he? Anyway, he is also reported to often sneak out of the Vatican, disguised and in the cover of night, to minister to the homeless. There are no reports on whether he gets summoned by a Pope-signal, for which he waits in the shadows like a Vatican Batman. So I will just have to assume he does.

Don’t get me wrong. He’s not perfect. He is likely the most progressive pope in history, but that’s like saying Oatmeal is the healthiest item on the Dunkin Donuts menu. Sure, it’s commendable that they’re providing a healthier alternative to the traditional sugar trap, but healthier does not mean healthy.

In most of the more controversial topics, Pope Francis’ good work are just half measures and lip services – he’s not progressive enough on ordaining women in the church, on LGBT issues, on birth control, and has yet to take any real action against the child sex scandal that’s plagued the church. In his recent visit to the US, he also had a meeting with Kim Davis, the bigoted county clerk from Kentucky who’s defying court orders to issue marriage licenses for same-sex couples. The agenda of the meeting is not completely clarified yet; maybe he wanted to support her ‘right’ to deny rights to others, maybe he wants to canonize her as the patron saint of hypocritic bigotry; nobody knows.

No, no, no… I’m veering off the topic – the topic being ‘Good Guy Pope!’ The relate-able, human pope. The pope who’s not above an occasional swear word. A bouncing, selfie-posing, tweeting, wine loving, good humored, compassionate pope with a great love for children. He may not be perfect, but he’s definitely a good start. He’s the people’s pope. A pope of the people.

The pope you may not have a beer with, but can pun about endlessly. A hip-pope artist, a champion of poper conduct, who gave off his poperty for charity, giving hope to the popeless, and a fan of pope tarts… probably. What? Are you tired of all the pope-puns? Do you want me to stop it before I work in Kindergarten Pope, Pope music,  Robopope, Pope of the charts, Parle Pope-ins, and other puns into the article? All you have to do to stop it is read “How much popcorn could a Pope pop if a Pope could pop popcorn?” See? That’s it. No more puns.

That leaves me with… hmm…let me think…. errrr…  ooh, I can still talk about… no, already did that… Maybe if I link to the… No, that’d probably get me sued. Ok. I’m just gonna end this one right here.Similar Posts:

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