Welcome to South Manchester, where the weather is cloudy and a little on the chilly side. 

Last week I added a new country to my travel portfolio. We spent three lovely days in Marrakech, where it was very hot and very crowded. It is my first visit to Morocco and North Africa in general (having been to South Africa a few times with work). It was thoroughly enjoyable. 

Next trip abroad is to Amsterdam in about a month for a reunion with three of my old university mates. That will be fun. 

Over to some silly questions from Sunday Stealing.

1. Would you rather trade some intelligence for looks or looks for intelligence?

Well since I consider myself to be plain at best and hideous at worst, I would gladly sacrifice looks for intelligence. I am not a vain person by any stretch of the imagination and I love intelligent people, who generally consider looks to be a lower priority in the grand scheme of things. 

2. If everything in your house had to be one colour what would it be?

It would be different shades of blue. Hopefully I would be able to persuade this omnipotent being who inflicted this crazy constraint upon me that teal counts as a shade of blue, thus allowing me to be creative with this limitation.

3. What animal would be the most terrifying if it could speak?

Any Animal that could kill me. Imagine being hunted by a lion and it was taunting you; “There is no hiding place; I know where you are and I am going to have you for lunch!”

Not something I would relish, if I’m honest.

4. How do you procrastinate?

I try not to procrastinate these days but it is a constant battle to which I sometimes fail. I tend to watch TV or play on my PS4 rather than doing things that will benefit when I lose such skirmishes. Habits are a great weapon against procrastination, I have to say. Apparently 30 days is all it takes. 

5. If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

Beware: Weirdo.

6. Would you rather go 30 days without your phone or life without dessert?

Life without dessert. When I was a kid I had a really sweet tooth but over the years it has perished and now I rarely if ever eat desserts. Occasionally I will be tempted but that is driven more by hunger and what is available to eat rather than to satisfy my sweet tooth. At restaurants I almost always go for a starter and main course. 

30 days without a phone would be a far more difficult prospect.

7. If one animal was made the size of an elephant, which would be the scariest?

A cat. Cats are totally efficient hunters and would probably do some serious damage to humanity if they were the size of an elephant. 

8. If you were reincarnated as a famous landmark, which would it be?

It would be a building on Victoria Peak in Hong Kong so I could enjoy this amazing view.

9. What celebrity chef would you like to make you dinner?

None of them. I do not like celebrity chefs at all. There are one or two I can barely tolerate but there are far too many cookery programmes on TV and they are full of them. I find them tedious to watch and a lot of them are so obsessed with themselves and their own culinary skills that they come across as arrogant and obnoxious. 

Like this one – a drunk Delia Smith.

And Anthony Worral Thompson making excuses for being caught shoplifting:

There are many more.

I would take my chance with the Swedish chef from the muppets I think.

10. How much would someone have to pay you to eat a spider?

They could never pay me enough money. I would rather live in poverty.

11. If you joined a circus, what would your circus act be?

I would never join a circus. But if I were forced to I would be a clown. 

12. Do you have any superstitions?

Not really. I don’t really believe in superstitions.

13. What cheesy song do you have memorised?

I looked up the top 100 cheesy songs and discovered that I love the actual number one – and I know it off by heart.

Here it is for your delight – and I don’t think it is cheesy at all.

14. What’s something weird that you recommend everyone try at least once?

Okay – here is something that is British that I know will make some Americans howl with laughter. 

When I was at university, I lived with an American guy briefly. He found me weird at the best of times, mainly because he was the very first American person I ever met and I played on my Britishness, partly to wind him up but mostly for my own amusement. And to be fair he did the same to me. 

But one night I was cooking dinner and he popped into the kitchen and said “What are you making?”

“Faggots and peas!” I said innocently. 

“WHAT?” he said. 

“Faggots and peas,” I repeated. 

“WHAT????” he said again. 

I turned around and said it again slowly. 

“FAGGOTS … AND …”

He started laughing, a little too loudly. 

“What’s so funny?” I asked. 

He then told me what a faggot was in America. And I showed him what a faggot was in the UK:

Basically they are meatballs, mixed with herbs and breadcrumbs and sold in packs like this:

Of course, when I showed him the packet he almost wet himself and collapsed on the floor gibbering like an imbecile. 

“MR BRAINS …… HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ….. FAGGOTS …. HAAAAAAH HAAAAAAHH… ”

I saw why it was so amusing and I started laughing at his reaction. And later, one of our other housemates came into the kitchen and found us both having succumbed to hysterical laughter. 

He took the packet back to the United States on his return at the end of the year to prove to his family and friends just how weird we are in Britain. He considered faggots to be so weird that he refused to try them. 

But, dear reader (and this is specifically aimed at Americans) if you come to the UK, try Mr Brains Faggots with a side of mashed potato and peas. 

They are truly wonderful, despite the weird name.

15. What do you think is the most unpleasant sounding word?

There are a lot of Unpleasant Sounding swear words but I won’t focus on them. I think “phlegm” is probably one of the worst words. As is “diarrhoea”. 

Yuck!