I'm the biggest grump in town when it comes to new cafes opening, because I think we have more than enough.  I'm also convinced that instead of Soma our Brave New World is being controlled via shady directives to provision unlimited lattes and cakes to the masses.

Then again, just when I'm getting all cynical some joint opens that makes a hard-nosed blogger roll over and have his tummy tickled.

The joint in question is The Parade Tea Rooms on the 'high' part of Southsea Common along Western Parade.  It was an old derelict something for years - a substation I think - and the people who won the lease from the council have done a sterling job in renovating it, being all very Scandi and woody and a bit like a big bright sauna without heat - or nudity - but with tables - and although some might say it's a bit on the cool side - that's 'cool' as opposite of warm, not apposite of 'groovy' - I like it.

Ideally it would be a seafood restaurant, serving succulent clams in white wine alongside cold Sancerre deep into the moonlit ocean's night, because that's the kind of vibe it has.  It doesn't really suit 'Parade' or 'Tea Rooms' - not in the way the Pavillion Tearooms suits its name, being all Edwardian and that.  I think calling it  'Borgen' or 'Jordskott' would've been more sympa, but that's just my Swedish/fish/sauna fantasy emerging.

A form of cake worship I think

So there are no fish, and there are no detectives with
Aspergers sipping herrings in the corner, but what a space!  The south facing indoor verandah is wall to wall glass and overlooks the common - this is where you want to sit, facing outwards - and although the indoors area is nice enough and in the evening might be preferable to seeing your reflection in the large glass windows, while the sun still shines this is where you eat.

Considering it only opened last Sunday - and a 'soft' opening at that - the service wasn't bad at all.  It was a bit confusing whether table service or order at the counter (there's a sign but it took a while to notice it) but the staff were friendly and helpful when we asked.  We had coffee (latte and Americano  / came in nice glass mugs with handles) and kids had hot choc.  Nothing out of the ordinary, but very drinkable.  I'm not a cake person but I bought five big slices from a choice of many cakes, and as 'not a cake person' I liked my chocolate fudge cake very much, although I guess they are catering cakes.  They reminded me of the style the old 10th Hole used to serve - is there any connection between the two?

Five people, five drinks, five cakes and all for £25.  £5 a head seems pretty good to me.

Scandi windows overlooking 'Bob Swings' (will explain later)

They do breakfast and lunch, but I didn't notice what was on the menu as I was busy enjoying the view through those windows.  They also sell a small selection of still wine, Champagne and Prosecco (that's 'bloody Prosecco' in my house, where Cava is king and simply must be, for many reasons which will become clearer in the coming months)  Prosecco is Italian wine with Alka Seltzer added, whilst Cava is fermented like Champagne and matured in bottle.  Don't get me started!

So this cynical old blogger rather liked the Parade.  Nice atmosphere, nice staff, and even nice customers - except for a rather shouty bloke nearby, but he seemed to be shouting very much to himself and his partner, with no malice aforethought.  I like it better than The S******* B**** C*** and the C***** C** and S******* C***** C* and quite a few others I could cunningly disguise with asterisk, so this one's a recommendation from me and let's hope that they go from strength to strength and get that sauna installed before winter.