Squirrels and humans have a very, shall we say complex relationship. They scamper over electrical wires, dart out in front of cars, gnaw on our tulip bulbs and of course pilfer bird feed like their auditioning for a James Bond movie. Despite all of this some humans think they’re just precious and delight in tossing them peanuts and even adopting them as pets. I’m going to take a flying leap here and say that those people aren’t gardeners. Squirrel sympathizers should probably stop reading now because the following content is for squirrel haters only. You’ve been warned!

Everyone seems to have a fool proof technique that helps them deal with these ubiquitous tree rats yet despite the fact that their brains are no bigger than thumbtacks squirrels seem to have the astonishing ability to outsmart us. But are they more crafty or just more determined? It takes dedication to win a war and if we humans want to reclaim what’s our we need to get serious about pest control. That said, I don’t condone cruelty so let’s keep our bloodlust to a minimum and think with our heads, not our shotguns.

Before we get the to the tried and true methods, I’d like to note some methods that I do NOT suggest.

Pets – So your dog loves chasing squirrels and you’re thinking sure, let her have her fun and maybe cut down on the population while scoring a free snack in the process. Win Win! But chances are it won’t work out that way. First off unless your dog’s been bitten by a radioactive spider recently she’s not capable of scaling 90 degree angled trees and will probably not catch near as many squirrels as you’d hoped (if any). Nothing against Lassie, she’s a good one and we know you love her, but stick to chasing tennis balls not vermin. Note: If you have outdoor pets please keep them caught up on their rabies vaccines. While it is unlikely that your animals will get rabies from a squirrel, it isn’t worth the risk. Peace of mind is priceless and the safety of your dog or cat more so.

Firearms – My grandparents house was a house divided – grandma fed squirrels, grandpa shot them. But instead of going out to the forest to hunt he would set his rifle up against his bedroom window and take aim. I’m not sure how many squirrels he managed to bag before the police arrived, but the ticket he received and brush with jail time serves as a good lesson which is DO NOT SHOOT SQUIRRELS IN YOUR YARD. Residential areas are places for cookouts, block parties and Sunday brunches – not a firing range. To some of you this is only common sense, but grandpa taught me to never underestimate anyone’s definition of common sense. Hunt only in designated areas please. Your neighbors and local police will thank you.     

Poison – I know that it’s tempting to jump unto the toxic bandwagon, but lethal doesn’t always equal effective. Edible poisons have the potential to harm not only your own pets, but strays and hapless small children as well.  If you must use this method realize the risks and consult a professional first. Harsh chemicals are never a great thing for the environment and if you wish to spare the other harmless native species in your area I suggest a less heavy handed approach like those listed below.

Now for my favorite Squirrel Be-Gone Methods:    

1. Hair of the Dog – I like this one because it’s free and effortless. Add the smell of humans and other predators to your potted plants and flower beds by placing hair clippings from you or shed hair from your pets to the soil. You don’t need much, but make sure to replenish the supply after a while because the scent will fade over time.
2. They don’t call them Squirrel Proof Feeders for nothing! These feeders take out all of the guess work and let you relax and enjoy the view of birds minus any furry invaders.
3. Hot pepper treatment –It’s a lot of fun and maybe a little sadistic but cayenne pepper has a special place in my heart for its usefulness against this enemy. Mix the hot chili powder into the soil or dust your vulnerable bulbs with it before planting to give squirrels a nasty surprise they won’t soon forget! Hot Chili  Pepper suets are also effective at keeping thieves at bay.
4. A Bone to pick – Adding bone meal to your soil is a true win win because squirrels hate the smell and it’s also a great fertilizer.
5. Mulch Obliged – Heavy mulch can hinder  squirrel’s digging thus limiting access to your tulip bulbs. Plus most plants like mulch, or so I’ve heard.
6. Cleanliness is next to Squirrelessness – Keep a tidy yard so that fallen nuts, berries and birdseed don’t draw more uninvited guests. Also keep your compost pile and garbage cans covered and locked so squirrels, raccoons and bears (oh my!) don’t find a quick snack in your yard.
7. Mint Condition – Squirrels hate mint but because of its tenacious spreading habit so do some gardeners. But hey that’s what mint oil is for!  It works just as well and you can even make it yourself.
8. If you can’t beat them baffle them! – Mix in unappetizing bulbs with your tasty ones to throw pests for a loop. Deter squirrels from your tulip and crocus bulbs with daffodils, hyacinth, alliums, Siberian iris, and lily-of-the-valley.
9. The More the Barrier – Netting and fencing are more traditional approaches and can work with less crafty or tenacious critters.
10. All Washed Up – No one likes a shocking blast of cold water especially not squirrels, to motion activated sprayers work fairly well when defending your garden from virulent tree rats.

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