How to Enjoy Being a Stay at Home Mom
Being a stay at home mom was not something I envisioned for myself. I always wanted to be a mom, just not necessarily a stay at home mom. My education and career were too important for me to just throw away being a stay at home mom. Upon graduating with a B.S. in English, I figured I’d become a teacher, have a few children (whom would fare just fine in daycare) and be a model PTA mother and career woman.
My entire life changed three years later when the most perfect, wrinkly baby was laid in my arms. Every ill-conceived notion I had about full-time motherhood was immediately discarded and suddenly, it was all I wanted. But hubby still had a year of graduate school left, and we needed the income, so the decision was made. I would head back to work and be the woman I always planned to be.
The day I handed off my still pink-skinned baby girl to another woman and drove away, a cold wind rushed through the hole in my chest where my heart used to be. I had to take deep, deep breaths to get the sobbing under control. Her sweet scent still clung to my cardigan.
Coping with Being a Working Mommy
You’re being irrational, I berated myself. It’s only eight hours–she will be fine.
But she’ll know I left her…
That day was the hardest. The next was a tiny bit easier and each subsequent day, easier than the last. But each hour, each minute I was at work, I was missing a milestone. Monday through Friday I left her from 7:30am to 4:30pm. That was a total of 45 hours a week and over 2,000 hours a year that I was missing. There were milestones I only witnessed in texts, like her first belly laugh. It kills me to never know the sound. Crawling first happened while I was neck deep in student research projects.
On a regular 24-hour work day, that left a total of three hours I got to spend with her. Whoa.
In trying to give everything my 100%—work, motherhood, being a wife, etc.—everything suffered. None of them received the attention they truly deserved. Something had to give. Laundry was piling up, dirty dishes outnumbered the clean ones, and the ring around the toilet now had a name (Gus). At work I was stressed and exhausted, often breaking down in tears when the last bell rang.
Then something funny happened. I got pregnant. Surprise! Baby girl was 8-months old with a little brother on the way.
A humongous, gargantuan, terrifying decision awaited me: do I take this opportunity, quit my job and become a…gulp…stay at home mom?
Thinking About Becoming a Full-Time Mommy
Like any good teacher, I immediately commenced my research. Like a bad student, I turned to Google for reliable resources. What I found was not just negative, but downright depressing. Phrases like Staying at home is my biggest regret, Don’t bother buying anything but yoga pants, and You’re kids are the boss of you and they are mean bastards, were swimming around the internet like hungry sharks.
Seriously, it’s all there. Not the words of encouragement I desperately craved.
A few misconceptions out there about SAHMs:
a) They have no education or career prospect, so the obvious option is to stay at home.
b) They are cheerio-encrusted-yoga-pants-wearing makeup-less women with unkempt hair and crazed looks in their eyes.
c) Being a stay at home mom wastes your valuable time and talents…what exactly do they do all day?
Sounds appealing, right? In my moment of earnest seeking, what I really needed was a voice of optimism, telling me that being a stay at home mom was the best in the world! That even though it was hard, it was a million times worth it. I needed an advocate.
So today, I am that advocate. For me, the decision to stay at home was both difficult and easy. Difficult because I was giving up close work friends, the esteem of students and colleagues, and the self-satisfaction of being successful. But it was so incredibly easy because I had these two beautiful babies, who were part of me and whom I wanted to give the entire world to, give them everything I had. I’m here to tell you that being a stay at home mom is the best in the world!
You do not have to wear Yoga Pants every day. You can (and they are comfortable), but you don’t have to. As a stay at home mom, you can be fashionable, and smart, and fun, and important. Over the course of my mommy-hood, I’ve made lots of other mom friends who are some of the most intelligent, hip, fun women I know, with advanced degrees and previous jobs that would be the envy of any resume.
Talking with Some Full-Time Moms
Rather than take my word for it, I’ve asked three moms to share why they chose to stay at home and why it’s awesome!
Kelsey W., mom of 3
Education: B.A. in Music, English minor, Masters Degree in Music
Job Experience: taught university music classes, paid pianist for an opera company, ran a youth piano program, private piano, and violin teacher.
Why did you become a full-time mommy?
When I decide to do something, I do it 100%. When I chose to become a mother I wanted to give it my all. That meant giving up full time work. Admittedly, it was a hard transition for me to go from working and performing full time to staying home with an infant. I struggled with depression and anxiety for about 18 months before I was truly able to enjoy my new role.
How do you make being a stay at home mom enjoyable?
It’s fun interacting with other moms who have children similar ages to my own. Being a mom is easier when you can laugh with someone else who understands the less glamorous parts of your job. I love helping my kids discover their talents and nurture them. It is so fun and rewarding to watch your kids try new things and succeed. I love this part of being a parent!
Continuing to make time for my own interests and hobbies is huge for me. I spend two afternoons a week, a total of 4 1/2 hours, teaching piano and violin lessons at my home while a babysitter watches my kids. I know they are being taken care of and I can focus on being a good teacher, something that was important before I had kids and remains important now.
Serena H., mom of 3, plus a baby on the way
Education: Master of Science degree in Speech-Language Pathology
Job Experience: worked as a speech, language, and swallowing therapist for two years prior to staying at home full time as a Mom.
Why did you become a full-time mommy?
When I was pregnant with my first child, I had a wonderful position as an SLP, working with children, teens, and seniors. I LOVED my job and made great money, but I knew I loved our baby even more. When I told my boss that I was planning to quit working to stay home with our son, I was shocked to hear her reply, “What a waste.”
There were a number of qualified SLPs out there who could provide excellent therapy to my clients, but I was the only one who could be a mother to my son. I felt then, just as passionately as I do now, that it is an extreme blessing and a privilege to be a mother. Don’t let anyone tell you your professional talents, or particular skills are being “wasted” because you choose to put your career on hold!
For children, love is often spelled T-I-M-E. I knew that I wanted to be there when my children woke up in the morning, I wanted to be the one to kiss any boo-boos, to make them giggle, to send them to time-out when they needed it, to teach them to be kind, and tell them they were unique and wonderful. I wanted them to know they were worth my time. Especially while my babies are small. There is such a small window of opportunity that will influence these precious little ones so much. Work will always be there when I’m ready to go back.
How do you make being a stay at home mom enjoyable?
My favorite parts about being a stay at home mom are the little moments that I know I’d miss if I were working outside our home. Like having my son run over and throw his arms around me, shouting, “Mommy!” when I go volunteer at his school. Or watching our four-year-old daughter rock her baby sister before a nap. These are the precious and fleeting moments that are mine to hold forever because I was there to experience them. Connecting with other stay at home moms makes a fun job even more enjoyable. Knowing that our successes and failures are similar helps me feel connected and supported in mothering. Plus, getting together with other moms and their kiddos for a play date, or a trip to the library for story time is just plain fun!
Christine G., mom of 2
Education: B.S. in Communication and a PHR (Professional in Human Resources)
Job Experience: Director of Human Resources with a total of 12 years experience in HR
Why did you become a full-time mommy?
This was actually a very tough decision for me. I loved working, but missed my son. I decided to stay home when I was pregnant with my second child because I didn’t feel I could give 100% to my job. Also, my son was moved from the infant room to the toddler room at his daycare and I didn’t feel he was getting the same level of care in the new room. It felt like I had missed so many of his firsts and didn’t want to miss any others. I wanted to be there for all of my second child’s firsts. And I also felt I could give my kids so many more experiences if I stayed home with them. They could see the world, rather than stay in one room for 10 hours a day.
How do you make being a stay at home mom enjoyable?
I enjoy scheduling lots of activities for my kids. We get out of the house a lot, going to story time, gymnastics, swimming, tae kwon do, the park, the zoo, or play dates. My favorite time of the day is lunch. We eat together and each take turns making up a crazy story. After lunch, we cuddle and read stories before nap/quiet time. I found it’s important to make time for myself to have the energy to give to my family. So I do hot yoga, walk with a friend, go on an occasional girls weekend, or go to book club once a month.
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Countless times I’ve been asked the question, “So what do you do?”
I always struggle with the answer. I want to tell people I am a teacher, but I’m technically not right now, so usually I end up replying,
“I’m just a mom.”
I know that leaves them with the assumption that I am a), b), c) or all the misconceptions from above, but I hope the smile on my face shows them how happy I am being a mom.
Why do I love being a stay-at-home mom so much? Because I love them so much. They are amazing little human beings that are sometimes annoying, but mostly adorable, and funny, sweet, and innocent. Being at home with my kids is like getting a second crack at a childhood I have little memory of. This time, I get a front-row seat to the “Let It Go” concert, sung with opera singer gusto. Because I get to see the light in their eyes when we feed the ducks. I get to be there when the first snow falls, to help them build their very first snowman (also named Gus…it’s a very popular name).
I love being a mom because it challenges me. No day is ever the same, and believe me, I never get bored. Exhausted yes, but never bored. I am learning that true love involves sacrifice, and when you give up something important for someone, like a career, it makes that person even more precious.
Will my kids even remember what I’m doing for them?
I don’t know. But it doesn’t matter. Victor Hugo’s beautiful adage at the end of Les Miserables will forever inspire my parenting,
“To love another person is to see the face of God.”
My kids may not sing my praises every time I wash their soccer jerseys, or even say thanks when I cut the crusts off their sandwiches, but when you love someone, you’re not seeking recognition or promotion. You do it simply because you love them, and love is enough. That love changes you forever.
So if you’re tinkering with the idea of becoming a stay-at-home mom, let this be a mark in the “Yes!” column. If you are neck-deep in full-time mommyhood, know you’re not alone. If you are a hard working mama with a thriving career…you go girl! We support you. And if you are a former stay-at-home mom, wondering if it was worth it, it most definitely was.
Finally, if you catch yourself saying, “I’m just a mom,” stop and slap yourself on the wrist. After all, would you say, “I’m just a brain surgeon”? You are a MOM! No regrets…the yoga pants are optional.
The post Regrets and Yoga Pants: How To Enjoy Being a Stay At Home Mom appeared first on How Does She.
