Dear Kid,
Whatever you are doing, stop it.
Right now. Stop.
Unless you’re taking an exam, in which case why are you reading this?
Whatever you are doing can wait.
What can’t wait is backing up your Computer files.
“What,” I hear you asking, “is making you say this in such strong terms at this particular moment in time?”
The black screen of death is making me say this, that’s what.
As in, there I was, typing happily, working away, enjoying a fine, sunny Sunday afternoon when … nothing. I Looked at the screen. It did not look back. I said, “Huh?”
The Puppy looked up from his nap. The computer did not.
So I did the normal thing and pushed the power button.
On came the computer. Mind you, it had reset itself and I lost the last 17 minutes of work, but compared to losing a whole computer, it was ok. I was calm, peace was restored in the world. I went back to work and the Puppy went back to napping.
For 6 and a half minutes.
At which time the screen went dead blank again. Rinse and repeat, I thought. So I pushed the power button.
Nothing happened.
I tried again.
Nothing continued to happen.
So I did all the normal things a person does when a laptop is causing problems. You’d have been so proud of me–I did not freak out. I unplugged and replugged everything. I took out and reinstalled the battery. I did the chicken dance.
Nothing.
“Leave it alone for a bit.” said Dad. “Eat lunch. Then try.”
This did not seem like very good technical Advice, but it seemed like excellent mid-day low blood sugar level advice.
And after lunch, magically, nothing continued to happen.
I remained calm, cool, and collected.
The power remained stubbornly off.
Dad tried to turn it on.
The power continued to remain stubbornly off.
“I hate to say this, kiddo,” Dad said to me, “but I think you’re going to need to take a drive.”
Of course, by “take a drive” he meant head to MicroCenter and part with major dollars.
I sighed and followed his advice.
At MicroCenter, I first went to the place where they help you figure things out, but they were busy Having A Seminar, so I headed out to the sales floor where I found a helpful person (and by helpful person I mean a 12 year old who spoke in ones and zeros but seemed able to tolerate me). “Do you know what this is?” I asked him holding out my bag.
“A bag with a computer in it?” he asked tentatively.
“A very expensive paperweight,” I said. I explained the situation. He politely asked to look at the computer. I handed it to him, and right there in broad daylight without surgical gloves or anything, he proceeded to take all of the laptop’s insides out. He then gave me a rundown of what I had, of which I understood not a word. “Huh?” I said going back to my reliable standby.
We looked at computers. I made a selection. All was good.
Except there were some files on the paperweight that I REALLY needed. “What about Carbonite?” you ask. Yeah, well, I’m not sure it’s running quite right. I’ve been meaning to call about that.
So I walked over to the We Can Help You With That Area.
I explained the entire situation to a guy in a Snoopy tie. He sympathized. He took the paperweight. He plugged it in. Nothing. He took out the battery and tried again. Voila! Power.
Well, I thought, if it’s as simple as all that, I can leave and get what I need in the comfort of my own home.
Home I went. I took out the battery. I plugged the machine in. I pressed the power button. Nothing. I tried repeatedly. I started teaching the Puppy new words that he probably shouldn’t repeat in public. Ab. So. Lutely Nothing.
Dad took his life in his hands and suggested I return to MicroCenter. (He was right; I just didn’t want to.)
After several minutes of quality whining, I took my stubborn self and my stubborn laptop and headed back.
Snoopy-tie guy had gone home for the day (sad face) but Other Dude was there. He plugged it in. He pushed the power button. And, lo, there was power. (What IS it with these guys??)
The Summary: My ancient and wobbly computer has been replaced. It is possible to get it to turn on if you place it gently on a table and mutter the correct voodoo. And have some luck. I’ve transferred the Incredibly Important Files to a flash drive. I have a new laptop.
And no humans were hurt in the process.
So go back up your Important Files so you too can remain calm in the face of a Death Defying Crisis.
